Diabeetus

 Just recently, I've been diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes. This means that my pancreas does not make enough insulin. Yes, I am obese and also have a genetic predisposition to the disease so shame on me for not maintaining my health. Anyway, while I was in Austin for Mommy Con I did try to lose weight by diet and exercise. Mikah and I were there for almost 3 months and in that time I lost about 15% of my body weight. When I got home is when I found out I was now diabetic. Symptoms of diabetes are frequent urination, increased appetite, sugar cravings, Candida, slow healing, and increased thirst. I had all of them and then some. A normal, basic healthy person's blood glucose (sugar) level should be 70-120 and mine was between 300 and 500, always. Though I am glad to say that, with the help of insulin and a pill, my levels are a lot lower now. Down to normal on some days.

 It really gets hard sometimes to follow a diabetic diet. I already am on restrictions because of lactose intolerance and beef intolerance (but if you know me then you know I still kill myself with ice cream) and so trying to maintain healthy habits with pre-existing conditions AND a poor financial situation causes some grief. I'm not making excuses, it just fact. I'm 25 years old and I was warned that this would happen, eventually. It's no one else's fault but my own for my health problems. I didn't really believe it would happen, though. I feel so cliche' saying it. So "teen" like. Obviously, I'm not invincible, but I was young, sort of healthy. Or, at least, I had my youth on my side. I could bounce back... Nope. I tell you one thing, having this sort of health problem reminds me just how human I am. How frail and fleeting my life is really. That sentence may seem dramatic to some, but if left untreated or treated poorly, I could lose my life.  Diabetes does have a mortality rate, no how matter it may seem in comparison to other health risks, and I'm not ready to check out.

 In addition to the insulin and the pill I take to manage my Diabetes, I also have to take Lipitor to manage my high cholesterol. Which, come to find out, is a side effect of unmanaged, high blood sugars. The side effects of all these medicines aren't nice, either. Though I know it'll be worth it if it gets me healthy enough that I can eventually get back on my feet and no longer need the meds. I need to learn NOT to indulge in my cravings. I know better, just bad habits. I try so hard to keep Mikah healthy so he doesn't get these problems but, I forgot about me. Parents tend to do that sometimes, don't we? Don't forget about yourself. Our children need us!

Potty Training? Cloth Diapers?

 Oh Man!! Potty training is... is... an adventure, that's for sure! I want to say Mikah does well with it, sometimes. He for sure doesn't like stopping what he's doing to potty, but he IS getting better at telling me that he needs to or stopping when he feels a wet sensation just long enough to get to the toilet. On most nights he is dry the whole night without potty breaks or else he wakes me up by squirming. (We co-sleep/bed share, though his bed is right next to ours so I try to encourage him to stay in it.) The only problem we seem to have is NOT pooping in his undies. Hit or miss there.

 Of course, potty training means NO MORE DIAPERS! This is sort of a mixed bag for me. We were a cloth diapering family. Not only because it was healthier for Mikah, but because it was cheaper and easier on our budget. There were a few times I got frustrated with a certain type of cloth diaper but, all in all, I loved it. I loved showing off Mikah in the summer with big, cute diapers and spreading awareness to those curious enough to let their eyes settle on one of my Lovely Pocket Diapers or custom Bear Monkey Bottoms covers. That being said, I am SO happy to not have to change him every hour or do diaper laundry. No, it wasn't hard or inconvenient, I just find taking Mikah to the potty a heck of a lot better than changing his diaper. Mikah even knows how to wipe himself pretty well so that's almost no longer my job either.

 No longer using cloth diapers means my stash is free to go to someone else. Most cloth diapers, if left in good condition, can sell for pretty close to what you bought it for. Some of mine need new elastic so I won't be selling them. Instead, I'm choosing to sanitize them (just in case) and donate them to a friend(s) in need. Of course, there are a few that WON'T be leaving me. I might have another child... someday... Cloth diapers can be of sentimental value, too!

 I can't believe how fast Mikah has grown. He truly amazes me every day and teaches ME things I never ever thought I'd learn about life or about myself. I can't say I enjoy this potty training act. More like I'm being the one trained here. I know it's worth it, though, and makes room for our family to grow. Sorry it's been so long since I've written anything. Been SUPER busy here. Be on the look out for some interesting posts or suggest a post!

I Am Strong

*I've taken this idea from Birth Without Fear Blog. A blog that I follow and admire. Feel free to make your own post. Sometimes we take our selves for granted, put our own needs on the back burner. Sometimes we need to give our selves more credit.*

 I am strong because when I was 4 years old, my sisters and I lost our mother due to a heart attack. She was 28 years old. I learned what being the oldest meant that day.

 I am strong because a year or two later an uncle decided to put his hands on me like a woman. This would continue for years.

 I am strong because, though my dad wasn't there for us (bottled up in his own grief), my grandmother was and I learned what a real woman was.

 I am strong because I, and my sisters, endured harsh years of mental and physical abuse by my father and his girlfriend's hands.

 I am strong because through it all, we stuck together and forgave our father. Even after several failed suicide attempts in front of us.

 I am strong because the sexual abuse of one man led to others sexually exploiting me. It finally ended when I was 16.

 I am strong because I survived my own suicide attempts. Either by drugs, drinking, or self-mutilation.

 I am strong because at the age of 20 I met the love of my life. We were married within 6 months of dating. I felt safe and whole.

 I am strong because 3 months later I became pregnant with my first child. I gave birth to a boy at 28 weeks along.

 I am strong because, along with my husband, I endured a grueling recovery from an emergency c-section and 10 hopeful/ fearful days with my son in the NICU. He died on the last day.

 I am strong because instead of dying of grief in bed, I picked myself up and went to counseling. I forced myself to smile because it hurt less than thinking of what I had lost.

 I am strong because about 9 months later, we became pregnant again. My heart ached, my senses dulled. Fear became my friend.

 I am strong because even though I went into labor twice, developed Gestational Diabetes and Pre-E, and stayed on bed rest for 15 weeks at the hospital due to IC, at 35.5 weeks I gave birth (through c-section) to a healthy and happy 5lb 13oz baby boy.

 I am strong because two years, 3 months, and 8 days later that same baby boy is climbing the arm of the couch and singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.

 And even though I still struggle with my weight, self-esteem, depression, and now Diabetes, I am a survivor. I persevered. I am living. I am strong.

Where Am I Going With This?

Life is so short, fleeting, and sweet. How coincidental is it that soul mates ever meet. A baby's first heart beat, a father's last breath. Some would argue its most precious gift is Death. If you don't believe in deities then Life and Death might have no spiritual meaning to you. Perhaps our bodies simply feed the trees... or the grass under my shoe. I can respect that. We'd be omnipresent. Our Death giving Life day and night. Whispering under the waning crescent. I believe in the wind and it cleanses my soul. I believe that the water washes me and leaves me whole. I believe in the sun and the Son shines its light. I believe the Earth was made for us and we should protect it with all our might. Life is exhausting, disappointing, and hard. My days are numbered, but my Life can't be barred.

The Mom I Want To Be

 Motherhood doesn't come with instructions. Some women have an innate sense of it when their children are born. I have to confess, fear was the first thing that popped into my head when my son's were born. It might have been the circumstances of their birth, but I feel it's the most accurate description of what motherhood is like sometimes. Fearful.

 When Mikah was born and placed into my arms the first time, I was shocked, fearful, sad, and relieved all at once. Yes, I loved him, but the worse is hardly ever over once the child is born. Just because you can see, touch, and smell your child doesn't mean they are out of harms way. For the first year of his life I was that high-strung, nervous wreck of a mother. I was constantly playing out worst-case scenarios and choosing the lesser of the two evils for every decision. I felt horrible when I had to give him exclusive formula because I felt like a failure and felt that I was poisoning him. And every time he threw it up that thought process was affirmed for me.

 I have to say, the first year of his life, I did indeed let myself go. I let myself go to make sure he would thrive. Not because he wasn't, but because I feared he wouldn't. I feared, since he was 5wks early, he wouldn't be able to keep up with his peers. I constantly compared us to other mothers and babies his age. One of the worst things I have ever done. I set myself up for disaster at every turn and it fed into Post-Partum Depression like a log on a fire.

 Yesterday I was looking at old photos and videos of Mikah and it made me sad. All I could remember is how stressed out I was or think about how I could have done things differently. I had actually forgotten how cute my son was. Yea, people will tell you to enjoy is while you can, and it's true, but that's just a brief summarization. Why don't more people tell you that, while those emotions are normal, they should be discussed? Why don't other mothers express that to their sisters, nieces, daughters, and granddaughters? Why did I have to read about it in a blog?

 I can tell a dramatic difference in the way I parent now compared to his first year. Some things still stand though, like for his diet and cloth diapering (of course!), but I'm a lot more relaxed. If I don't take care of myself, who would take care of him? It shows in Mikah as well. He's not as afraid of others, he can initiate play with someone other than me, won't scream the whole time I'm gone, and all of that is affirmed each time he randomly kisses me and tells me he loves me. I love being his mom and I adore him. Though I've had a difficult beginning in Motherhood, I wouldn't change it for anything. Those difficulties turned into lessons learned and allowed me to become a mom to a pretty cute and rambunctious little boy. Who knew you could learn so much from a toddler? He's helping shape me into the mom I want to be.

Baby Fever

 Oh man, I have baby fever alright. I've pretty much had it since Mikah turned one. Some days are worse than others, and some days I think I'm crazy for having those other days. If you're not familiar, Baby Fever is not what babies get when they're sick, per se, it's a term used to describe a feeling women/men get when they strongly desire offspring of their own or MORE offspring. Right now I desire MORE!

 It might just be because a few of my family members and friends are pregnant, might be because I read about and look at nothing but child birth, breastfeeding, baby wearing, baby photos and articles. Plain and simple: I want another child. I always wanted at least 3 and the next child will be number 3 for us. Also, being told that there is a time limit on your child-bearing years kind of lights a fire under your butt. That, coupled with reasonably and responsibly having children, leaves me emotional and hormonal... Baby Fever.

 Things one can do when said Baby Fever attacks your home are: Buy all the baby gear! Seriously, because you usually have Baby Fever when there are pregnant friends or family around you, buy something nice for the new/ bigger family. It allows you to get that fix of baby shopping (while simultaneously reminding you why you decided to wait for financial reasons) and helps relieve some stress of the family you're buying for.

Don't go to Babies R Us if you don't plan on drooling over baby furniture.

 Make something/ DIY! Nothing says, "I'm UUBER excited" than a homemade mobile, wall hanging, or clothing item for the precious, new babe. Depending on how elaborate you are, you can get away with making a sweet gift for under $5 bucks. Plus, homemade gifts are usually received just as well as big ticket items because of the thought and appreciation put into said gift. If you haven't yet, visit Pinterest for some baby/kid DIY! Here's a link to one of my boards.

What better to do with your Parent magazine than to repurpose it for a cute basket?! This would be great for moms with babies expected to arrive on or around Easter. Follow the link to my board for more info.

 The last thing I can think of that would either break or make your Baby Fever is babysitting. It would allow you to hug and cuddle the babies/ kids you offer to take responsibility of for any amount of time, you get paid, and it allows you the experience you need to decide if growing your family/ starting your family is the right choice.

 Or, you know, you could be like me and be the indecisive over-achiever and do all three! I think my Baby Fever doesn't just come from the anticipation of babies. For me, it comes from the knowledge that there will be great "ahh" and "aww" moments to be had as well as "wtf" and "seriously?!" moments and I want to help my friends and families with that transition. To help alleviate any doubts they have with themselves as parents and answer, or at least help research, the questions that will eventually arise. I know those instances, and it's not fun alone.

I Went to MommyCon-Austin!!

 Heck yes I did!!! I know this post is a little late but, jeez, I had to recuperate. I lost 9lbs that day! Then little man got sick so we both had to recuperate from that. I will say this though, it was a smaller event than I thought it would be. I would expect that if it were in Dallas, not Austin. Just that made it kind of anti-climactic. Also, despite the easily attained schedules, I missed out on A LOT of seminars. Half of that was my fault though, not realizing I had to sign up virtually for the sleep consultation and having to bring my toddler to the potty every 20 minutes or stopping to feed him. (Who does that?!) Though there were a lot of women, like myself, confused by the workshop and seminar rooms and where to find their lectures. All that being said, the staff was extremely helpful and nice. Even offering me a seat in the sleep consultation if not all the attendees showed. I'm just grateful they came!

This shot (Expo Hall) was taken from the entrance and to the left. A LOT of space was still available. Even with the lunch counter and tables on the side. The black drop was the set up for Project: Breastfeeding. (I got to meet Hector!!)

 I had to get there early though because Amanda, leader and founder of The Rebecca Foundation's Cloth Diaper Closet, was supposed to be the MommyCon ambassador but, had a conflicting morning schedule and I agreed to fill in for a few hours. It allowed me to familiarize myself with the space, meet the vendors as they were setting up, scope out the bathrooms and exits in case of a toddler emergency... You know, the usual. I was also able to set up the TRFCDC banner and donation box at the registration desk. Though it wasn't a lot, I was VERY PLEASED to find a few good condition diapers at the end of the day. If any one of you that donated are reading this, THANK YOU SO VERY VERY VERY MUCH!! That's just about enough to donate to one family in need or struggling. :)

 Oh, and we also participated in the Great Cloth Diaper Change! Jamie TheBabyGuyNYC, The Honest Toddler, and Jessica from The Leaky Boob were there to help keep things interesting while we waited to unanimously change our babies into a clean cloth diaper like other women from various locations around the world. Going in, we all had a raffle ticket to win a prize, but these guys also played Trivia (of sorts) for others to win. I wasn't fast enough to answer those questions, or able to sing a song from the movie Frozen  (no lie!), but I DID win a diaper with my raffle ticket. I was so amazed and shocked. Good thing little man was procrastinating! Anyway, results aren't back yet in regards to if we actually broke a record, but we helped raise awareness, like I'm doing right now. I also got to chat with some lovely ladies and their littles. That's just as good... Right? Right.

 All in all, it was a great day. I'm so thankful that I had this experience, a probably once in a lifetime experience, and got to meet like-minded men and women to remind me of why I chose this path in parenting. I hope that there are fortunate families in every city able to attend. There are at least seven more cities in the line up. Which will you attend? Don't forget to use my code BRITTSBLOG on general admission for a discount. Thanks for reading!

The crew spitting out trivia questions.

Xza, one of the founders of MommyCon, handing out a diaper to a lucky mama.

MOAR questions!

"Do you wanna build a snowman?" See, Frozen...

My beautiful, soft, fluffy diaper!

The Joovy rep let me borrow this bike so Mikah could cruise around!

Wrapping sessions! Oh how I wish I had a wrap!!

Volunteer for MommyCon

 Did you know that you could volunteer some hours at MommyCon events near you and get a free admission? That's WAY better than my discount code, BRITTSBLOG, but it's still available if the spaces fill up before you can email them. Check out their daily facebook posts, like this one, and many others. After Austin the crew will be headed to Denver, Boston, Memphis, Philadelphia, and New Port Beach!! The Austin event is also hosting The Great Cloth Diaper Change so, if you haven't already, at least register for that and help us break the world record of most babies changed into a cloth diaper at one time. You can either bring your own or borrow one. Hope to see you there!!

Week in the Life: Visiting Family, Easter, and Prepping for MommyCon!

 Wow! This has been a very long, fun-filled week for me. Last Saturday, the 12th, was Mikah's birthday party. I he looked SOOO sweet blowing out his birthday candles and smiling at every one singing "Happy Birthday" to him. He even oohed and ahhed at his presents -trucks- and just overall not a little baby. We also rented a bounce house for him and I can comfortably say we, or the kids) got our money's worth out of it. It's heart-warming to watch his personality change but also a little heart-breaking to see his focus shift from me to others around him. He's not completely there, but he will be soon.

 The next day, Sunday, is when Mikah and I rode up to Round Rock with our aunt, uncle, cousins, and my sister. My car is being very trustworthy and I needed a way to get to MommyCon on the 26th so they said they'd bring me. So we get to have a three week vacation with family and my sister (twin) and I can finally work on our relationship together, but not before I locked the keys in my car and my aunt had to call Pop-a-Lock to get them out. Geez! Other than that rocky start, things have been good. I mean, my sister and I had a few misunderstandings, pretty much because we're in different worlds, but I have never been happier than when I'm with them and my sisters. I've even seen a change in Mikah and it's all for the better.

Mikah playing with a cousin that previously had no interest in him. She's 4mths older.

 Tuesday was Mikah's actual birthday, and it was kind of sad. That morning my husband called to tell me that our dog, Rudy, whom we've had for 3 years after my younger sister and I rescued him, the one companion I had when I was too afraid to let anyone know how I truly felt about Ein dying, was run over by someone in the neighborhood right in front of the house. I was and still am upset. I thought my husband was playing some kind of a joke on me like, "haha no, he didn't get hit but he almost did chasing these damn cats." I still don't really believe it. I'm kind of afraid of how I'll react when I get there and he isn't running around my feet and whining because he's so excited to see me. I wonder how Mikah will react because usually the first thing he does when we get home is ask about Rudy. It will be a sad day, indeed.

 These last few days kind of melded together. There have been toddlers running around, lots of hitting and and crying over spilled milk (literally), but more joking, laughter, and smiles than anything else. Today, Easter Sunday, was a very good, fun-filled, tiring day. We all got dressed up and with to church, I choked on the communal wine, there were egg hunts, food, food, and more food. After this week I probably won't know what to do with myself. Oh, I know! Get ready for MommyCon!!

Saying, "cheeeeese" with his Easter egg.

 So, now that San Francisco is done with MommyCon, it's Austin's turn to host. MommyCon Austin will be held at the Palmer Events Center and is planned around family so bring all your kids!!! Or not, you know. ;) I'll even be there representing The Rebecca Foundation and filling in until our wonderful founder Amanda Vaughn can join us. There we will have a place to talk with parents that are interested in cloth diapering but are struggling financially and explain how we can help. I'm really nervous but also REALLY excited. I hope I don't fail, or fall, or have Mikah pee on me...

 Don't forget, if you want a ticket to MommyCon, any location, then use my discount code BRITTSBLOG in the promotional code box at the time of registration. Have to move fast though and I hope to see you in Austin on the 26th!!

Potty Training and Exploitation

 This has to be, by far, the hardest part of parenting a toddler that I have encountered so far. Potty training. I'm trying not to get stressed out about it and would rather him take his time BUT, Mikah suffers from food sensitivities like noacidic foods/fruits, for one, or else it gives his behind water blisters it burns him so bad. Now, I know that has to do with the fact that he's pretty much urinating on himself and into the diaper and I'd rather have this part of his life over with so I can begin to experiment with and maybe get him to tolerate foods like that better.

 That's the big, selfless part of it. Another reason, that makes me giddy inside, is that my sister is pregnant! She's almost 15 weeks and I think I have her boyfriend convinced to cloth diaper. YAY!! That means Mikah's diapers can become hand-me-downs, or I can use them for clients for my TRFCDC- chapter. (If and when I get an applicant. By the way, I can't believe I haven't done an update on that. More to come about The Rebecca Foundation's Cloth Diaper Closet and how you can apply if you need our help for you or a friend! Though, Mikah being in diapers still is keeping me from having another one so soon, or, at least, keeping me from planning for another child. I don't want two in diapers. Nope.

 It seems like Mikah knows that I want him to urinate in the toilet but I think he still has trouble with letting it go on command. He knows the feeling and will tell me he has to go, but would rather flush the toilet instead.Yesterday, all he wanted to do was to be in his underwear. He did use the toilet a couple of times, but urinated on himself the rest of the time. Still progress!! A few months ago he could care less and would rather run around naked. Now, because of his obsession with cars, trucks, and dinosaurs I've exploited that obsession to get him to wear the underwear and hopefully not soil himself. It kind of works. He likes the pictures of dinosaurs and cars and can hold his little bladder for a few hours. I guess we'll see where we're at in a few more months.

 I have learned that it's not really potty-training so much as it is potty-learning. Mikah's learning to listen to his body's cues, learning to communicate that with me, and I'm learning to listen and understand him so that we can work together to get him "house-broken". Haha! Times like these I wish I could remember how I was potty trained. I remember my sister (the pregnant one) still in diapers when I was four and remember that I was in big girl panties, but nothing really before then. That at least gives me some relief to know that somewhere between now and age 4 it'll happen.

 Any pro tips for PLing a little boy?

Oh Time, You Silly Thing...

 Whew! What busy weeks these have been lately. Babysitting, visiting with family, planning my trip to MommyCon- Austin, dealing with a sick toddler, potty training, and planning a 2 year old's birthday party on a budget... Yeah. One step at a time. Right? Right.

 If you don't know, MommyCon goes to different cities across the U.S.A. every year. This is their second year and BOY have they grown! Take for instance MommyCon- San Francisco. Did you know that Alanis Morissette is going to be the guest speaker there? Alanis-freaking-Morissette!!!!! As much as I love her (fangirling, sorry...) there will be other speakers there giving lectures and demonstrations, such as Jamie Grayson- The Baby Guy showing his prowess with all the baby gear you could ever imagine, and Jamie Lynne Grumet- creator of the blog I Am Not the Babysitter and face of the (in)famous Time magazine cover of her and her youngest son breastfeeding. Now, these are not the ONLY speakers there and I'm sure I'm doing a disservice to them by not listing their names as well but, you get my excitement.

 Also, just a reminder, if you want to go but are strapped for cash, search MommyCon on Facebook. They regularly post giveaways or links to them for free tickets, sponsorships, or discount codes. Speaking of which, I have a code for you, my beautiful reader!! Just type in BRITTSBLOG in the promotion box when purchasing your e-ticket and you're good to go. As awesome as that is, sadly, it's only for General admission. That means no discount on VIP or pre-sale tickets.

 I really can't wait to go. I am SO excited and beyond blessed that I have this opportunity. Not only from the creators/organizers of MommyCon USA but from also my family. Mikah and I will be staying with my uncle and his family in Austin. Which is awesome. I love hanging out with them, but we'll be there for 3 weeks. We leave the day after Mikah's b-day party since my car is unreliable. Oh well. MINI-VACATION!! I just hope I don't forget my camera! I mean, no underwear? No problem! No camera, YIKES! That would be very un-blogger of me... (Un-blogger? Making up words because it's late... don't judge me.)

 Mikah's birthday is coming along nicely. Nothing too big. He loves playing with cars and truck more than anything else, except balloons, so it is a really easy thing to decorate with/for. So far I know we'll have a bouncy house... and cake. My step-mom and I have this idea for his cake that, if it becomes reality, will be freaking SWEET! I don't want to say just yet. I might anger the Birthday Cake Gods and force them to make our cake crumble, or the icing melt, or, Birthday Cake Gods forbid, our cake decorating skills look like a failed Pinterest project! PRAY FOR US!

Rant Post

  I ABSOLUTELY HATE BULLIES! I do. I can't stand it when people I know, love, and respect join in with a bully and repeat their words and actions. Now, I know I'm not perfect and have bullied many times out of ignorance and/or fear, but it really irks me when someone is so adamant that they won't apologize or say, "Yea, I guess I see what you're saying. Even though I don't agree with that person's choice(s), it's not my place to cast judgement." What is so hard about the saying that statement and believing it? Why are we so quick to judge and fear and cast out others that are different than us? If we as a society are so hell bent on becoming better than we were, leaving behind us our paleolithic habits and social constructs, then why can't we stop bullying?!  Why do we continue to teach the next generation that it has to be one way and not another.

 Ugh, I guess this is all just a losing battle because there will always be people that care to judge you, classify you, and ridicule you based on outward appearances and what you have or have not. This instinct to judge used to be useful to our survival, now it's just a way to destroy us from the inside out.

Are you a Home-Nudist?

Oddly enough, everywhere I look there have been discussions about whether or not to be naked in front of your kids. My guess is that this stems from anti-bullying discussions, preaching self-love, and of course, we first have to change how we teach our children how to react to and cope with these every day issues.

 My son is almost 2 and even at this young age I know he has noticed that my body is different from his own. He sometimes pokes my bottom or pinches my breast because he's noticed that there are different parts of me other than the arms that hold him or the voice that soothes him. Now is the time to teach boundaries. Not because it's wrong to touch, touch is a sensory, but because he's at an age when observation is learning and learning is about as involuntary as blinking. So I try to purposely teach him through my actions. Especially self-esteem. I want him to know that it's okay to cry, to be upset. Okay to be confused or angry and it's okay to have a body different from my own.

 We don't hide our bodies from Mikah. There will be days when we just won't get dressed at all and even don't put a diaper on Mikah. Which is a good thing for all of us. (Allows our skin to breathe and helps with his potty learning.) I had a hard time loving myself and my body for years. I still do every now and then because I'm overweight. Still, my guys love me for me and that's all that matters. Even though I had hard pregnancies with Ein and Mikah, it still created two beautiful babies. How can I not have appreciation for that?

 Growing up, I knew what my father's body looked like. He wasn't perverted about it and after a certain age he covered up more, but there was no body shaming in our home. It was a part of every day life and it made home feel comfortable and safe. A refuge from the growing social demands of the outside world. Maybe my views about my body really stem from my cultural beliefs. Growing up we embraced, as much as we could, our Native American heritage. Our community did camps and summer programs for native youth that allowed us to learn about our ancestors and their beliefs. To pass on traditions and almost forgotten knowledge. The natives did not find revulsion in their bodies, only mystery and connections with a Creator and the rest of the world. Why can't we go back to embracing ourselves?

 We plan on not being intentional about our naked bodies, but at least mindful when it comes to Mikah so that we leave him with a positive, non-perverted memory and a positive self-image. How do you plan on encouraging positive self-images? Do you have a different point of view than my own? Do you have the same goal but a different path? Please be respectful.

Grammar Snob

 Are you a Grammar Snob or somewhere in between? I'm more laid back about it myself. I know someone somewhere is going to make a mistake so I don't usually point out those misgivings unless they make me mad or are just acting plain stupid. The exception to that would definitely have to be political ads, business signs/ cards, or the quizzes you find on Facebook.

 I mean, COME ON! Errors like that are kind of unforgivable. Unless you are a small Mom and Pop business, or whatever, then there should be some air of professionalism that makes grammatical errors unacceptable. I bring this up because of the Facebook quizzes I've been taking. Some errors are just plain silly but, I figure someone would have seen and rectified the error after, oh I don't know, the first 10,000 hits. Did no one tell them that 'comprimising' was spelled wrong?

 This means that I intentionally don't share something if I notice an error. I know, I know. Petty, very petty. I just can't help it. I probably think that I'm changing the world by not sharing. I'm silly that way. So, what are you? What's your pet peeve, if this isn't it? We all have our annoying quirks. SPILL IT!

P.S. Did I leave any grammatical errors? ;)

Food sensitivities

Ugh, so Mikah-man and I have a sour stomach, though his is far worse. He's actually throwing up. Not all day but definitely at night. Smells awful and spreads everywhere. I tried giving him peppermint water last night and he threw that up too. Bah. No sleep here yet if you looked at Mikah right now you'd swear he was at the peak of health the way he's running around the house.

 Where do toddlers get this energy? I don't get it! Bottle up what he has and sell it to me because I'm currently trying to melt into this chair. We never should have eaten that potato salad but it was sooooo good! It started off innocently enough... Boiled eggs, potatoes, diced pickles, mustard, and mayo blended together in yummy goodness. Mikah, though, can't tolerate anything remotely acidic let alone pickles.I forgot about the pickles being in there, though, and gave him his own bowl full of the stuff. Then, all of the eggs in it acted like a gallon of milk and, let me just say, Mikah's farts are no longer safe. So he pretty much has lava diapers. I think most of the pickles have passed though, being that this was days ago, and the rash is disappearing but now the vomiting is replacing it. Oooooh joy!

 On top of all this, my car is broken. Yep. My sister and I went out of town about an hour away for a baby shower and my car suddenly decided it didn't want to shift out of reverse. Instead, the gear shift broke. Meaning the shift will move but not the gears. My husband and father-in-law are, hopefully, going to manually shift it to drive so hubs can drive it back home to get it fixed. So, yea, good thing we put money in savings every year. It never builds up but it's there. haha

C'est la vie!

Scared Sid Less

As you may know, if you read my bio, this blog is about my experience with  infant loss and how I live my life after it. I also try/want to keep as open as possible on the subject so that people affected by infant loss and 3rd person parties alike will no longer feel it's a closed subject or feel alone. So here is something I want you to know today:

 Scared Sid Less was created by a family that lost their beautiful son, Cullin, to SIDS. Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) or Sudden Unexpected Infant Death (SUID) is a silent killer. To quote the CDC, "Sudden unexpected infant deaths are defined as deaths in infants less than 1 year of age that occur suddenly and unexpectedly, and whose cause of death are not immediately obvious prior to investigation.

Each year in the United States, about 4,000 infants die suddenly of no immediately, obvious cause. About half of these Sudden Unexpected Infant Deaths (SUID) are due to Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS), the leading cause of SUID and of all deaths among infants aged 1–12 months."

 "SIDS is the leading cause of death among infants aged 1–12 months, and is the third leading cause overall of infant mortality in the United States. Although the overall rate of SIDS in the United States has declined by more than 50% since 1990, rates for non-Hispanic black and American Indian/Alaska Native infants remain disproportionately higher than the rest of the population. Reducing the risk of SIDS remains an important public health priority."

 Imagine waking up one day to greet your little one and finding them unresponsive. This horrible syndrome/ disorder or what ever you wish to call it leaves more families scared, helpless. and lost than some of us care to know. That's why we need to be aware. To join hands, if not to fight this, than at least to join hands with parents and families affected. Let them know that they are not forgotten nor are the babies they lost. It's the worst feeling in the world to feel like you are alone in your pain or that you must suffer in silence. NO MORE! Let us shout that there is life after infant loss!

 How can you do that? Most organizations like Scared Sid Less are non-profit and thrive on donations that helps keep them and other initiatives, like Camp Cullin, open to those in need. These donations take the power away from SIDS and puts it back in your/hers/his/our hands. The silence must end.

MommyCon Reminder

 Hiya folks! Just a quick friendly reminder that if you wish to go to MommyCon but are worried about price then you can use my discount code: BRITTSBLOG in the promo code box at the time of purchase to ease your wallet's suffering! You can use it for any event except for pre-sale tickets and VIP upgrades.

 Don't forget to tell your friends!!

It's Mardi Gras!!!

 Hey everyone, iiiiiiit's Mardi Gras or Fat Tuesday!!! What's that? Well you can click here for a brief history of this holiday. And yes, in Louisiana, it's a holiday. That means kids get to stay home from school and SOME business close early.

 Growing up in southern Louisiana meant you knew how to say, "Throw me something, Mister!" by the time you were 4 years old. You understood that whatever you caught quite possibly had a resale value or you saved all your best ones to show off at school. That was better than showing off your new Nike shoes or FUBU jacket. When I was older I was allowed to go to the more "adult" parades and instead of getting beads and plastic coins I was thrown underwear and roach clips with bright feathers attached. Oh those were the days!

 Mardi Gras is NOT what you see on Bourbon Street. I mean, yea, there are parade routes that cater to your wilder side and on the French Quarter I'm sure any place with a bar makes a killing, but I can remember going with my grandparents and sisters to The Little Rascal's parade. A GREAT non-profit krewe centered around the city's youth. Click here for pictures of the parade and more info.

 Did you know that Mardi Gras isn't only celebrated in New Orleans or Louisiana? Even here in East Texas people celebrate it. They have different versions like Muddy Gras, where you can go muddin' in your four wheelers or trucks through the mud and pretty much just have all out redneck fun, or some places, like Jefferson, TX, even have their own parades. Outside of the U.S. there is Brazil. They celebrate Carnaval and is the most traditional sense of Mardi Gras rooted in Roman Catholic rituals.

 So, did you learn something today? Do you understand the difference between saying going to Mardi Gras and going to a Mardi Gras parade? (chuckles) That's good. Now, get your groove on! Mikah and I will probably be making Mardi Gras Cookies. I'll update this post if it works out.

Laissez Le Bon Temps Rouler! That means, " Let the Good Times Roll!"

Infant Loss

 Aside from what the title says, this post will be about miscarriage. Not mine, but the feelings I have toward another's suffering.

 A cousin of mine has suffered a first-trimester miscarriage. Mostly over the past few days but confirmed today. Not only has she had to deal with that but also because it got to the point that her blood pressure dropped and she almost needed blood to be given to her. Luckily that wasn't needed and she with her mother so she can be taken care of for the next few days while her body recuperates.

 Her mind, however, is a different story. I don't know for sure what she is thinking right now. Is she in shock? Has she grasped the reality of it yet? I don't know. What I do know is that if she falls asleep she'll probably wake up remembering she lost her baby and her world will crumble all over again. And this will happen many more times in the next few weeks, months, etc.

 She has lost her child. The hope she had for that little life that was growing inside her is now gone. She might feel betrayed by her own body. How I wish I were there to try to comfort her. If anything, to just sit there and offer my silent understanding.

 I wonder if the hospital even acknowledged she lost a baby. Some doctors and nurses can be so stoic, so cold. Especially towards miscarriage mothers because there's nothing to show for all the cramping and bleeding. There's nothing to bury, no baby clothes were worn. But she remembers the sonogram, the positive test. She can't and probably won't easily forget them. This child was/ is loved.

A New Understanding

 Well, I told you I'd update you about my receiving my medical records. Sorry I didn't update sooner. It just took me a little bit to process and cope with the new information.

 First off, remember me griping about having to pay for MY medical records? Yea, well, I got them for free. Yea! I had decided to go with my doctor's office since it was cheaper. I get up there and the nurse prints off Ein's and Mikah's medical report. Everything leading up to delivery, all except Mikah's c-section report. I tell her a little bit of why I wanted them so I think this was just her being compassionate and for that I'm very grateful.

 There was a lot of numbers, blacked out and deleted notes that I didn't understand but there was enough information that I feel I can finally gain confirmation and closure. For real this time. I don't have to just let-it-go and instead just completely let-go... If that makes sense.

 Starting at around 16 weeks, in the doctor's notes, I had notified her of lower abdominal, lower back, and hip pain. And also at almost every appointment after until I had him. Kind of peeved that I wasn't checked, but to my doctor's credit, I also brushed it off as pains from my Fibromyalgia. According to blood work and lab tests I also had a mild case of Gestational Diabetes and Hypertension. This I didn't know. I guess, since my appointment was supposed to be that Monday after I had Ein, I would have found out. Still, wouldn't have been good to know for Mikah's pregnancy.

 In Ein's c-section report, the doctor states that when my bag of waters were busted the fluid was stained with meconium, a baby's first stool; a black, tar-like stool passed shortly after birth or sometimes even while mother is overdue or in labor. Can also be a sign of distress. I believe if I hadn't gone into labor this might have had an adverse effect on his little body such as breathing it in or causing infections

. Further along in the c-section notes it is typed out that they classified me as anemic because I had lost 800 cc of blood. I'm pretty sure 1000 cc is cause for an emergency though because it didn't state that I needed blood transfusions or anything and the report said that I was in stable condition. Thinking back about it now, that's probably why I felt like crap the last few weeks. I was so miserable.

 In Mikah's reports I found the Urinalysis of the 24-protein evaluation of my urine that I had never gotten back because I had him that morning. It showed that I did have Pre-E. It wasn't too high and probably could have been induced had I pushed it but I would have had to have Mikah in the next few days at the rate the protein levels were rising. This also confirms the cause behind the really nasty headache I had in the hospital a couple of days after Mikah was born. I had already been hooked up to Magnesium a few hours after birth but probably needed more.

 So yea, that's pretty much it. I do have IC (incompetent cervix) and I really need to lose weight if I want to have another baby. I really don't want to have all these problems and risk losing another child's life. Yesterday morning I cried telling Ein that had it been me I would have never chosen him over my own life but that I was thankful for Mikah's. Sometimes it seems like a double-edged sword. A lose-lose situation, but then I look at Mikah and know that, if I could turn back time, I would not be able to erase him from my life.

MommyCon: Are you going?

Do you remember me posting an entry about MommyCon last month? If not, don't worry. You can read about it here and catch up.

 Anyway, well turns out I will be attending MommyCon as a BLOGGER! That's right. This gig is taking me places and that is straight to Austin (closest even to me) and there will be lots of pictures taken, diaper changes, drooling (probably mostly done by me), and excitement all around. After that I get to come back and write about my experience and spread the love to all of you!

 So, do you want to go? I'm sure you can find one in your area. MommyCon is coming to Chicago, Austin, Denver, San Francisco, Memphis, and Philadelphia. General admission  lets you enter a mama heaven and children under 16 are free to enter, plus you can upgrade your ticket to the Expectant Mama VIP if you're pregnant. This is exclusive to pregnant moms because it gives you a goodie bag full of cool items for your last few months of pregnancy as well as your first few weeks of motherhood.

 Want to go yet? I figured you might. That's why I have a promo code for my beautiful readers (that's you!) to use when purchasing a ticket. Just type in the promo box: BRITTSBLOG and that should discount your ticket. :D

 Not satisfied? Hmm, well, I live to please! Here's a free pair of tickets to a MommyCon near you! And may the odds be ever in your favor... Or something like that.

a Rafflecopter giveaway



Congratulations, Ivy N!! Please make sure to check your email!

Today Is the Day... Hopefully

Today I'll be heading to town to try to buy my medical records. I'm seriously hoping that my doctor's office will give them to me without fuss and nothing missing. I'm kind of nervous about Ein's records. Knowing that it'll probably open a few scars, but I need to know... I need to know.

 I'll update you later today or tomorrow.

A Tale of Two Toddlers

 I promise this won't be as long as Charles Dickens' tale, but will probably be just as dramatic. 

Do you remember me telling you about my friend Funman and his daughter Li-Li? Well, for the past three days I baby-sat Li-Li for Funman while he was at work. I thought it would be a fun time for Mikah, Li-Li, and me and we'd end this three day stretch with some funny stories and cute moments. There were cute moments, but also a whole lot of frustration.

 Don't get me wrong, I loved having Li-Li. The problem I think though is that both Li-Li and Mikah are the only child of their immediate family. Besides the fact that they are both in the toddler stage and are learning to share and play with others. Mikah is associating emotional attachments to his toys and Li-Li is wanting to experience everything all at once so it's kind of like a toddler-nado when those two want the same toy.

 God forbid Li-Li wants to sit on my lap,or even touch me, or even stand next to me. I can appreciate that Mikah thinks I'm a precious stone (Gollum much?) but wow. Hitting and pushing is not how I need to be protected. Li-Li also feels that whenever she's so much as poked that she needs to fall to the floor in anguish.

"Oooh, Mikah touched my arm!"

 One funny thing Mikah picked up, which is also bad, is that he learned how to annoy Li-Li. Whenever their playing becomes highly energized and rambunctious, Mikah will scream/ squeal at the top of his lungs and laugh at Li-Li's discomfort and pleas for him to stop. He makes a game out of it because of Li-Li dramatically stomping and screaming, "Mikah! No! Stop!" Li-Li knows that Mikah is ticklish though, so all is well.

 The cutest moments of all, though, is definitely when I catch them playing nicely to one another and they hug and kiss. I caught them in Mikah's bed yesterday rolling around and trading kisses between giggles. So adorable. It's those little things that makes my day better. When they tell each other "love you", when Mikah apologizes with a kiss, or when Li-Li says Mikah is her baby.

Through out these past few days I've really come to terms with waiting to have another child. I mean, I know it would be different if I had two kids because Mikah would gradually learn to share me with another child and he and that other child would be used to each other (somewhat). It sometimes makes me think of how it could have/ would have been if Ein was still alive. He was only 8 months younger than Li-Li. I would have been busy, that's for sure. Still, I can at least wait until Mikah is in school and not competing for my attention. Until then, Li-Li can get me ready.

I am President!!!

 Of The Rebecca Foundation's Cloth Diaper Closet- Kilgore chapter!!! Or TRFCDC- Kilgore for short. I'm sooooo happy excited to be a part of this foundation!!

 Oh, you want to know what it is? Well, if you're as clever as I think you are then you already know it has something to do with cloth diapers. (Can't get anything over on you!) We lend cloth diapers to low income families that want to cloth diaper or just are looking for a cheaper way to diaper their babies. We supplement that start up cost by giving them diapers for a set amount of time while the family buys as many diapers as they need. Since a full stash of cloth diapers (24-28 diapers, not including accessories) can cost around $200-$500 upfront, this is great for those on a tight budget.

 We also give information and advice about wash routines, different styles of diapers, and places to buy them. We have sponsors like Thirsties, KamSnaps, Knicker Nappies, and many more. There's even an online shop you can go to and purchase some cool merchandise to support us and spread awareness. See? Don't you want to be a walking, talking, breathing billboard? lol

 There is also a Pay It Forward attitude with this organization that I love. We ask each family that participates in the program to volunteer at least 2 hours each month in way they can. There are many different ways to help like spreading flyers around their doctor's offices, mentoring new families, or even teach a class if your chapter has them. We want families to know they aren't alone and that they don't have to struggle between buying diapers and buying food. There is a way!

 Don't need diapers? Sponsor a family by buying any number of items off of this list or just donating money to the foundation. You can donate to a local chapter or to the main office and it would be distributed to all from there. You never know who could benefit from this foundation. It could be you neighbor, co-worker, or even your sibling.

Cloth Diapers and My Life

So in a couple of recent blog posts I mention using cloth diapers. In this post, I plan to elaborate on the Why, How, and What.

 What are cloth diapers? Cloth diapers are the diapers your grandmother and her mother and her mother used to diaper their children. Cloth diapers were all you had until the first disposable diaper was invented and patented in 1948 by Valerie Hunter Gordon. Even then, disposables didn't become popular or widely used til the late 50s, early 60s.

 How did I learn about them? Well, I remember one day I was looking through the bathroom cabinet in search of a wash cloth when i came upon what I think was either a flat (large, one layer of cloth), or a prefold (a flat cloth pre-folded ready for use). I remember asking my dad what it was and was shocked to learn that babies actually pooped on it! There have been countless other run-in's with cloth diaper propaganda, but that memory stuck out at me most and is what triggered me to search for them when I was pregnant and and in need financially with my second son.

 Why do I use cloth diapers? For one, they're cute as all get out! Just check out this diaper from one of the main retailers I use. Also, like I stated before, I needed help financially when I was pregnant with my second son, Mikah. Because I had to quit work so early and also be hospitalized in order to stay pregnant, if left us pretty ragged. Had it not been for lots of donated disposables the first few months of his life and later cloth diapers, we might have gone bankrupt. Using cloth diapers also helps me stay home with my son because the money that might have been used on disposables can now be added into groceries, gas, or other bills. Living on one income doesn't leave you with a whole lot at the end of the week and I'm glad I don't have to choose between food and diapers.

 So many families go through hard times at any point in their life. I've seen news reports of parents reusing dirty disposables just to last until pay day so they can still buy food. It's sad but it can be helped with a little innovation and an open mind.

Insecure

I'm trying so hard not to be jealous of women that have the perfect pregnancy and birth. I feel victimized and traumatized from my first birth and I feel lied to from my second. Why can I not get over these things. It's so hard NOT to be the victim yet the more I educate myself on these things the angrier I get. There is, however, a good outcome to educating myself. I have hope that next time will be different. If there is a next time... Thinking that my time for babies has come to an end is such a depressing thought for me. I don't want to be done. I had planned for at least 3-4 children. What happened? I barely carried one. One. Mikah. I should be happy with him, but some days I feel I need a do over.

 As healing as Mikah's birth was for me, it wasn't all sunshine and daisies. Mikah's birth was healing in the fact that he came home to me instead of the NICU and I didn't almost die with infections. The first few weeks of his life were not easy. I still suffered from PPD and PTSD from Ein so all that anxiety from the 35 weeks I tried to stay pregnant with Mikah and the depression from my first experience came crashing in as soon as we got home. As if it wasn't enough my body couldn't sustain him without medical intervention, my body couldn't be his source of food either. Because he was early he wasn't strong enough to feed for very long. Knowing what I do know about breastfeeding now, I know that if I would have fed him on demand like I initially wanted and had I ignored every one's discomfort at me nursing in public, we might still have a healthy relationship to this day. Still, because of my doubt and high anxiety, the remarks and comments I had expected myself to easily brush off actually sealed the deal in breastfeeding.

 So, my failed breastfeeding relationship just gave my crappy self-esteem room to move a little lower. I cried probably every day the first 2 months fighting off the thoughts of hopelessness and deeming myself a worthless mother. You had one job as a mother, to feed him, and you can't even do that. At least with Ein you had an excuse. He was in the NICU and you had to pump. Mikah is right here at your breast. Feed him! Worthless. Yea, needless to say, I was not a friend to myself.

 I remember sometimes I would check Facebook to see who I might could talk to about these feelings, but I was embarrassed and scared. I'm just being foolish. If I take a walk I'll feel better. If  I tell someone, they might take Mikah away from me! So instead, I took pictures of Mikah like crazy. Just to capture that moment of happiness I felt so I could look back at it when having a rough day and remember that and tell myself, "see, you were happy there. It can happen again." No one tells you that you might not love your baby everyday, or love yourself everyday, but it does happen.

 Though I haven't had an ideal pregnancy, birth, or bond with my son, I love him more than anything and would do anything for him. Just having these mental illnesses and daily struggles with them make it harder for me to realize that I deserve him. If I never have another child, I hope that I can finally be okay with just Mikah, because he deserves that much. He is more than good enough for me and I'm trying desperately to be good enough for him.

This Ad... Oh Motherhood...

 This ad, brought to you by Boba, reveals the heart-warming, side of motherhood. The fear, the joy, the hope. Though, I am disappointed that adoption wasn't a part of it. I know adoptive mothers go through the same thing spiritually, if not physically. What do you think of it?

Toddler Sniffles and the Rest of Humanity

If you are or have been a caretaker of a sick toddler then you know that you can expect some sleepy days, some tantrums, some snuggles, and a whole lot of snot. It can be hard, sometimes, to keep up with your sick toddler because it can seem like they have no off switch for any illness and leave you more worn down than they are. If this is not you, I am SO jealous that your sweet baby sleeps through his/her illness and/or cuddles for hours on end. My little guy is currently playing with the curtains and will probably terrorize the dog in a split-second.

 Still, life goes on and you'll probably need groceries, more medicines, or have to take your little joy to the doctor. That's when the battle really begins. With all the germs flying around this season, people tend to revert back to animalistic instincts around the sickly and, if it weren't against the social norm, I'm sure there would be snarling and barking as to keep them illness-free. Most people will tell you to keep it at home and as much as I'd like to it's not always an option. Sometimes I need to get out just for my sanity and keeping the illness in the home isn't helping us get any better. I'm not trying to sound insensitive as I know there are those with immune deficiencies that dread a sick toddler. This post is not for you. This is for those that can afford a doctor's visit and only want to discourage loving, worn out parents.

 Taking your rambunctious, fever-crazed toddler to the doctor isn't as easy as you might think either. There are surfaces to touch, to taste, and to smell and also other snot-faced children to kiss. I love that I have an affectionate toddler that loves to share. Snot sharing, however, not so much. When did waiting for the doctor to call on you become such an Olympic event? I'm pretty sure most of those sports were created by a mom or dad with at least four children under the age of five.

Discipline and Toddlers

*This blog post is not bashing parents who do physically discipline their children. Choose what's right for your family as I will mine. Thanks for reading!*

 So besides the trouble I have with family members not following my son's restrictive diet, I also have a hard time getting them to lay off the discipline advice. None so much as my father. Now, I love my dad and I respect him in a way a daughter should respect her father, up until a point. My dad and I have a rough history together, but he's cleaned up his act enough that I allow him to be in mine and my son's life. I don't know if that right there leaves him thinking he can raise my child how he sees fit or what, but I'm not having it.

 My dad whipped me as a child, not spanked, whipped. I don't want to get into details but let me just say that he was very well known for losing his temper and losing control. He's not like he was and is still working out his anger issues, but not enough for me to trust him to physically discipline my child. I welcome advice from my elders on how to discipline Mikah because they've been through it and I do need ideas and help from time to time. I don't, however, need or want advice from teens and non-parents, nor do I want the old saying, "Spare the rod, spoil the child. Proverbs 13:24 " (which, depending on the version of text, it says nothing about a rod, only to chasten them if you love them. (paraphrasing) as the offered words of wisdom. I really don't care if that's what the Bible says to do. The Bible also says, "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live. Exodus 22:18" but I'm not going on a witch hunt any time soon and neither is anyone else.

 Point being, I don't care who says it's right or how it worked for you. It doesn't work for my son, I won't be doing it to my son because of my own anger issues, and I would like others, especially my own father, to respect or at least acquiesce to my parenting style and wishes. Every child is different when it comes to things like this and Mikah isn't even 2 yet so, obviously, we're still trying to find our groove. Instead of petty, mumbled remarks behind my back or even blatant disrespect for my parenting journey, why not try some carefully chosen words and phrases like, "You're an excellent mother. Keep up the good work!" Or, "I know you can do it and Mikah's smart, he'll get the hang of it. Just be consistent. I love you both."

 See, not that hard. I bet even my dad wanted to hear that once in a while. Why do you think there are so many parents since his generation and on decided that whipping their kid weren't for them? Because maybe they have the scar(s) to prove it doesn't work.

MommyCon

*This is not a promotional post. I have not and will not receive any special compensation for blogging about MommyCon (though that would be sa-weet!) and their sponsors. Though I do recommend you research them. :D*

 Hooray for MommyCon!!! What is a MommyCon? I'm so glad you asked! MommyCon is a safe haven for hippy parents like me! No, seriously. It's a safe haven/ festival/ fair for like-minded parents with forward thinking concepts. There are local birth professionals, baby brands you know and love, popular bloggers, and big-hit personalities. All or welcome, not just the hippy, AP, granola parents.(No offense.)

They head out all of the country through most major cities. They also have a Facebook page and I love that they interact with their followers. MommyCon hosts retailers like Ergo, Sloomb, Britax, and Motherlove and even give you free step-by-step instructions on baby wearing, how to safely install a car seat, and even give demonstrations.

 So why do I care so much? Well, I'm kind of like a kid in a candy store with this one. I've never been and really want to go. I live in a pretty decent sized town with a 30,000 population count, but there are hardly any like-minded parents here. Yea, we all want what's best for our children, but besides from a couple of my friends and a few strangers I've met along the way, no one here cloth diapers, baby wears, uses amber teething necklaces, do play-based learning, etc. I'm such a nerd for this stuff that whenever I'm at Wal-Mart and see another mom baby-wearing that I have to stop myself from giving them a high-five. I want to touch all of the cloth diapers, I want to try Mikah in some of the woven wraps, and I want to squeal with delight when I see Jessica from The Leaky Boob.

 I can see it now. I roll up in there with Mikah on my back, safely tucked into the Ergo while sporting his amber teething necklace nestled gently on top of his organic cotton t-shirt. Of course, his cloth diaper will have to be color-coordinated, just in case something happens to his pants... If only I can convince my husband to make the 4 hour trip.

 All of THAT being said, I just want to have a good time with mamas like me that push the norm for their kids, moms that think outside of the box yet thrive to get back down to basics. Community is what I'm after, even if I have to pay for it.

McDonald's Play-Place Protocol

*In this blog post there will be appearances from my best friend and his 3 year old daughter. For privacy purposes their names will be "Funman" and "Le-Le", respectively.*

Picture of an authentic McDonald's play-place for reference. Minus the millions of unattended children and mass chaos and confusion. :D

 Yesterday, after running errands with Funman, Mikah and I decide to join our friends at McDonald's for a small lunch and a run around the play-place. It was a really gloomy, wet day so I was pretty satisfied to have somewhere, besides my house, to let Mikah burn off his toddler energy. Even better, Mikah had never been prior to this one occasion so I was curious as to how he'd react.



 He and Le-Le had a great time running, jumping, and rolling around. Mikah didn't quite get what he was supposed to do, but Le-Le was a pro at it. She tried to get him interested a few times, but Mikah was just as happy jumping inside a big, red "ball"... as he put it.

 Then, the others came... Two women and their kids came in with their lunch maybe 5 minutes after we had gone in there. The oldest two, a boy and a girl, were older than our kids by probably a few years. The oldest was the boy and he was sweet and patient with both Mikah and Le-Le. The girl, however, was bossy and rude. She initiated adventures through the winding tubes but only if you did as you were told. Though, even with her attitude, there were many things that were easily overlooked. Funman and I even got in there with our kids so that Le-Le wouldn't get upset that her new friend didn't want to play anymore.

 After a few minutes of climbing, chasing, and sliding, Funman and I got out to catch our breath. That's when the other kids got their infant brother in there with them so he could "explore". At first it was cute, but then the little girl decided that no one was allowed in the tube where he was at. Le-Le, not understanding this, tried to get in to see the baby but the little girl was not having it. She pushed Le-Le and I reprimanded them telling them to share. Then the little girl yelled at her, telling her to stay out when Le-Le tried again to play! That's when Funman started getting upset and confused as to how to handle the situation. Instead, I kept telling them to share and stop being mean, but when the little girl forced Le-Le out of the tube I scolded her and told her to keep her hands to herself.

 All of this happened while the two women they came with just sat eating and talking like nothing was happening. Funman quickly decided that playtime was over so I changed Mikah's diaper and we were out of there. We discussed what had just happened when we got into the car and that's when Funman commented, "I didn't know what to do. I mean, what's the protocol for that? Is there a McDonald's play-place protocol? Ugh, stupid parents." We had a pretty good laugh about that and went on our way. I feel like we handled the situation well, but both Funman and I have heard tales of fights breakout among parents for strangers disciplining each other's children, Even adults being rude to children at places like these. So what is the protocol? In this day and age we all have to walk around on egg shells, it seems, just to want to defend our kids. Silly.

Lost His Mind!

 Ever wonder why Wal-mart seems to be fully of crazy kids, mainly toddlers and infants? It seems like every when one starts crying, they all start. I remember saying I'd never have a kid like that. Oh boy was I wrong.

 Mikah and I had a glorious Tuesday. It was filled with tantrums, quick decisions, and anxiety. He missed his nap. That one little crucial part of his day was missed and now I have an aching hip because of it. I love my son, I really do. I also love being a mother. Although, when my days are like that, I am IMMENSELY happy for bed time. Then I remember that bed time can also be stressful. Moms really have no breaks. That's when Mikah does something like flashes an award winning smile at me or cuddles under the covers with his "Mama" and I suddenly forget the reason for being so fed up in the first place.

 When he does things like that, I am immediately calmed and am able to assess the situation. It's because I love him and no matter how hard it gets, I can make it through. Something fires through my synapses and I can see that 2 hours ago Mikah was acting more well-behaved than I was. I am then suddenly guilt ridden and am able to see the "bigger picture".

 So I am glad that I have that "Wal-Mart kid" because he's not always like that. Heck, today he was waving at complete strangers. If it's good all the time then I'll forget the bad times. Yea, I know that just sounded crazy, but hear me out. If there are no problems in life then you never have to fix anything. If you never have to fix anything you never learn, never grow. A little ordered chaos in life is a good thing. Mikah happens to be mine. I have to keep my emotions in check or else, how would I be able to teach him? The "bigger picture" is him.

They're Not Your Medical Records.

 Yesterday I went to the hospital I delivered my sons at to retrieve my medical records. I had looked online in advance to see what that required. Based on the hospital's website, all I would need is a photo I.D. and to print and fill out a consent form. Indeed, I came prepared with my consent form and I.D. in hand while alternately dragging my beloved toddler behind me because he wanted to "dead weight" as soon as we turned the corner.

 I walk in the small office and immediately notice that the desk has two FULL clipboards of consent forms readily available. O.K. Kind of peeved that I had to spend 30 cents to print off my copies but, that's fine. I'll know next time if I need to do it again. Then the secretary comes from around an unseen corner behind the desk asks if she could help me. I hand her the paper with my information on it and tell her I would like my medical records. She asks me what I want them for and I said personal. "Yea, but what will you use them for?" I guess she asks me this because there's a whole different process for transfer of care. I don't know, so I tell her the truth.

 I want them because there are still unanswered questions pertaining to the pregnancy and births of my two sons. I tell her I need those files before I can seriously consider having another child. If there is any hint that a c-section is my only option, Mikah will be an only child. I know that any pregnancy can result in a c-section but without the option to VBA2C then the cons are far too great.

 After relaying some of this to her she starts asking me the dates I want. She clicks around for a little bit, gets ready to print, and then tells me it'll be $45 and some change.... WHAT?! "Forty-five dollars? For what?" I can't believe it. I was so close to closure, to being informed. That's more than my phone bill! She tells me, "The forty-five dollars is to get your medical records." So I ask her, "Uh, why do I have to pay that just to get MY medical records? I don't understand. It didn't say that on the website." She sighs and rolls her eyes a little and says, "Yes ma'am, I know. We're trying to fix it. Everyone says that, but you have to pay it if you want your medical records because their not actually yours, they're (name of the hospital)."

 My jaw dropped. This is preposterous. Last I checked, they were mine. She asks me if I still want them and I sarcastically tell her that I won't be buying my medical records unless I can get them for free or at a discount. Obviously that didn't happen or I wouldn't have typed this blog post, or, at least not like this. Good new is, though, that I can get it through my doctor for a flat fee of $18. Hmm, I really hate the idea of it not being mine but I guess I can understand because that's a lot of paper and ink. I do have half a mind to call and ask how much they'd charge me if I brought my own paper.

 Seriously though. Why do they make it so hard for their patients to be and stay informed of their own health. How many other people have gone through this I wonder? $45 may not seem like a lot but it is to me and my household. To me, it's $45 to heal.