The Mom I Want To Be

 Motherhood doesn't come with instructions. Some women have an innate sense of it when their children are born. I have to confess, fear was the first thing that popped into my head when my son's were born. It might have been the circumstances of their birth, but I feel it's the most accurate description of what motherhood is like sometimes. Fearful.

 When Mikah was born and placed into my arms the first time, I was shocked, fearful, sad, and relieved all at once. Yes, I loved him, but the worse is hardly ever over once the child is born. Just because you can see, touch, and smell your child doesn't mean they are out of harms way. For the first year of his life I was that high-strung, nervous wreck of a mother. I was constantly playing out worst-case scenarios and choosing the lesser of the two evils for every decision. I felt horrible when I had to give him exclusive formula because I felt like a failure and felt that I was poisoning him. And every time he threw it up that thought process was affirmed for me.

 I have to say, the first year of his life, I did indeed let myself go. I let myself go to make sure he would thrive. Not because he wasn't, but because I feared he wouldn't. I feared, since he was 5wks early, he wouldn't be able to keep up with his peers. I constantly compared us to other mothers and babies his age. One of the worst things I have ever done. I set myself up for disaster at every turn and it fed into Post-Partum Depression like a log on a fire.

 Yesterday I was looking at old photos and videos of Mikah and it made me sad. All I could remember is how stressed out I was or think about how I could have done things differently. I had actually forgotten how cute my son was. Yea, people will tell you to enjoy is while you can, and it's true, but that's just a brief summarization. Why don't more people tell you that, while those emotions are normal, they should be discussed? Why don't other mothers express that to their sisters, nieces, daughters, and granddaughters? Why did I have to read about it in a blog?

 I can tell a dramatic difference in the way I parent now compared to his first year. Some things still stand though, like for his diet and cloth diapering (of course!), but I'm a lot more relaxed. If I don't take care of myself, who would take care of him? It shows in Mikah as well. He's not as afraid of others, he can initiate play with someone other than me, won't scream the whole time I'm gone, and all of that is affirmed each time he randomly kisses me and tells me he loves me. I love being his mom and I adore him. Though I've had a difficult beginning in Motherhood, I wouldn't change it for anything. Those difficulties turned into lessons learned and allowed me to become a mom to a pretty cute and rambunctious little boy. Who knew you could learn so much from a toddler? He's helping shape me into the mom I want to be.

Baby Fever

 Oh man, I have baby fever alright. I've pretty much had it since Mikah turned one. Some days are worse than others, and some days I think I'm crazy for having those other days. If you're not familiar, Baby Fever is not what babies get when they're sick, per se, it's a term used to describe a feeling women/men get when they strongly desire offspring of their own or MORE offspring. Right now I desire MORE!

 It might just be because a few of my family members and friends are pregnant, might be because I read about and look at nothing but child birth, breastfeeding, baby wearing, baby photos and articles. Plain and simple: I want another child. I always wanted at least 3 and the next child will be number 3 for us. Also, being told that there is a time limit on your child-bearing years kind of lights a fire under your butt. That, coupled with reasonably and responsibly having children, leaves me emotional and hormonal... Baby Fever.

 Things one can do when said Baby Fever attacks your home are: Buy all the baby gear! Seriously, because you usually have Baby Fever when there are pregnant friends or family around you, buy something nice for the new/ bigger family. It allows you to get that fix of baby shopping (while simultaneously reminding you why you decided to wait for financial reasons) and helps relieve some stress of the family you're buying for.

Don't go to Babies R Us if you don't plan on drooling over baby furniture.

 Make something/ DIY! Nothing says, "I'm UUBER excited" than a homemade mobile, wall hanging, or clothing item for the precious, new babe. Depending on how elaborate you are, you can get away with making a sweet gift for under $5 bucks. Plus, homemade gifts are usually received just as well as big ticket items because of the thought and appreciation put into said gift. If you haven't yet, visit Pinterest for some baby/kid DIY! Here's a link to one of my boards.

What better to do with your Parent magazine than to repurpose it for a cute basket?! This would be great for moms with babies expected to arrive on or around Easter. Follow the link to my board for more info.

 The last thing I can think of that would either break or make your Baby Fever is babysitting. It would allow you to hug and cuddle the babies/ kids you offer to take responsibility of for any amount of time, you get paid, and it allows you the experience you need to decide if growing your family/ starting your family is the right choice.

 Or, you know, you could be like me and be the indecisive over-achiever and do all three! I think my Baby Fever doesn't just come from the anticipation of babies. For me, it comes from the knowledge that there will be great "ahh" and "aww" moments to be had as well as "wtf" and "seriously?!" moments and I want to help my friends and families with that transition. To help alleviate any doubts they have with themselves as parents and answer, or at least help research, the questions that will eventually arise. I know those instances, and it's not fun alone.

I Went to MommyCon-Austin!!

 Heck yes I did!!! I know this post is a little late but, jeez, I had to recuperate. I lost 9lbs that day! Then little man got sick so we both had to recuperate from that. I will say this though, it was a smaller event than I thought it would be. I would expect that if it were in Dallas, not Austin. Just that made it kind of anti-climactic. Also, despite the easily attained schedules, I missed out on A LOT of seminars. Half of that was my fault though, not realizing I had to sign up virtually for the sleep consultation and having to bring my toddler to the potty every 20 minutes or stopping to feed him. (Who does that?!) Though there were a lot of women, like myself, confused by the workshop and seminar rooms and where to find their lectures. All that being said, the staff was extremely helpful and nice. Even offering me a seat in the sleep consultation if not all the attendees showed. I'm just grateful they came!

This shot (Expo Hall) was taken from the entrance and to the left. A LOT of space was still available. Even with the lunch counter and tables on the side. The black drop was the set up for Project: Breastfeeding. (I got to meet Hector!!)

 I had to get there early though because Amanda, leader and founder of The Rebecca Foundation's Cloth Diaper Closet, was supposed to be the MommyCon ambassador but, had a conflicting morning schedule and I agreed to fill in for a few hours. It allowed me to familiarize myself with the space, meet the vendors as they were setting up, scope out the bathrooms and exits in case of a toddler emergency... You know, the usual. I was also able to set up the TRFCDC banner and donation box at the registration desk. Though it wasn't a lot, I was VERY PLEASED to find a few good condition diapers at the end of the day. If any one of you that donated are reading this, THANK YOU SO VERY VERY VERY MUCH!! That's just about enough to donate to one family in need or struggling. :)

 Oh, and we also participated in the Great Cloth Diaper Change! Jamie TheBabyGuyNYC, The Honest Toddler, and Jessica from The Leaky Boob were there to help keep things interesting while we waited to unanimously change our babies into a clean cloth diaper like other women from various locations around the world. Going in, we all had a raffle ticket to win a prize, but these guys also played Trivia (of sorts) for others to win. I wasn't fast enough to answer those questions, or able to sing a song from the movie Frozen  (no lie!), but I DID win a diaper with my raffle ticket. I was so amazed and shocked. Good thing little man was procrastinating! Anyway, results aren't back yet in regards to if we actually broke a record, but we helped raise awareness, like I'm doing right now. I also got to chat with some lovely ladies and their littles. That's just as good... Right? Right.

 All in all, it was a great day. I'm so thankful that I had this experience, a probably once in a lifetime experience, and got to meet like-minded men and women to remind me of why I chose this path in parenting. I hope that there are fortunate families in every city able to attend. There are at least seven more cities in the line up. Which will you attend? Don't forget to use my code BRITTSBLOG on general admission for a discount. Thanks for reading!

The crew spitting out trivia questions.

Xza, one of the founders of MommyCon, handing out a diaper to a lucky mama.

MOAR questions!

"Do you wanna build a snowman?" See, Frozen...

My beautiful, soft, fluffy diaper!

The Joovy rep let me borrow this bike so Mikah could cruise around!

Wrapping sessions! Oh how I wish I had a wrap!!