So in a couple of recent blog posts I mention using cloth diapers. In this post, I plan to elaborate on the Why, How, and What.
What are cloth diapers? Cloth diapers are the diapers your grandmother and her mother and her mother used to diaper their children. Cloth diapers were all you had until the first disposable diaper was invented and patented in 1948 by Valerie Hunter Gordon. Even then, disposables didn't become popular or widely used til the late 50s, early 60s.
How did I learn about them? Well, I remember one day I was looking through the bathroom cabinet in search of a wash cloth when i came upon what I think was either a flat (large, one layer of cloth), or a prefold (a flat cloth pre-folded ready for use). I remember asking my dad what it was and was shocked to learn that babies actually pooped on it! There have been countless other run-in's with cloth diaper propaganda, but that memory stuck out at me most and is what triggered me to search for them when I was pregnant and and in need financially with my second son.
Why do I use cloth diapers? For one, they're cute as all get out! Just check out this diaper from one of the main retailers I use. Also, like I stated before, I needed help financially when I was pregnant with my second son, Mikah. Because I had to quit work so early and also be hospitalized in order to stay pregnant, if left us pretty ragged. Had it not been for lots of donated disposables the first few months of his life and later cloth diapers, we might have gone bankrupt. Using cloth diapers also helps me stay home with my son because the money that might have been used on disposables can now be added into groceries, gas, or other bills. Living on one income doesn't leave you with a whole lot at the end of the week and I'm glad I don't have to choose between food and diapers.
So many families go through hard times at any point in their life. I've seen news reports of parents reusing dirty disposables just to last until pay day so they can still buy food. It's sad but it can be helped with a little innovation and an open mind.
Little hands
Thursday, January 30, 2014
Friday, January 24, 2014
Insecure
I'm trying so hard not to be jealous of women that have the perfect pregnancy and birth. I feel victimized and traumatized from my first birth and I feel lied to from my second. Why can I not get over these things. It's so hard NOT to be the victim yet the more I educate myself on these things the angrier I get. There is, however, a good outcome to educating myself. I have hope that next time will be different. If there is a next time... Thinking that my time for babies has come to an end is such a depressing thought for me. I don't want to be done. I had planned for at least 3-4 children. What happened? I barely carried one. One. Mikah. I should be happy with him, but some days I feel I need a do over.
As healing as Mikah's birth was for me, it wasn't all sunshine and daisies. Mikah's birth was healing in the fact that he came home to me instead of the NICU and I didn't almost die with infections. The first few weeks of his life were not easy. I still suffered from PPD and PTSD from Ein so all that anxiety from the 35 weeks I tried to stay pregnant with Mikah and the depression from my first experience came crashing in as soon as we got home. As if it wasn't enough my body couldn't sustain him without medical intervention, my body couldn't be his source of food either. Because he was early he wasn't strong enough to feed for very long. Knowing what I do know about breastfeeding now, I know that if I would have fed him on demand like I initially wanted and had I ignored every one's discomfort at me nursing in public, we might still have a healthy relationship to this day. Still, because of my doubt and high anxiety, the remarks and comments I had expected myself to easily brush off actually sealed the deal in breastfeeding.
So, my failed breastfeeding relationship just gave my crappy self-esteem room to move a little lower. I cried probably every day the first 2 months fighting off the thoughts of hopelessness and deeming myself a worthless mother. You had one job as a mother, to feed him, and you can't even do that. At least with Ein you had an excuse. He was in the NICU and you had to pump. Mikah is right here at your breast. Feed him! Worthless. Yea, needless to say, I was not a friend to myself.
I remember sometimes I would check Facebook to see who I might could talk to about these feelings, but I was embarrassed and scared. I'm just being foolish. If I take a walk I'll feel better. If I tell someone, they might take Mikah away from me! So instead, I took pictures of Mikah like crazy. Just to capture that moment of happiness I felt so I could look back at it when having a rough day and remember that and tell myself, "see, you were happy there. It can happen again." No one tells you that you might not love your baby everyday, or love yourself everyday, but it does happen.
Though I haven't had an ideal pregnancy, birth, or bond with my son, I love him more than anything and would do anything for him. Just having these mental illnesses and daily struggles with them make it harder for me to realize that I deserve him. If I never have another child, I hope that I can finally be okay with just Mikah, because he deserves that much. He is more than good enough for me and I'm trying desperately to be good enough for him.
As healing as Mikah's birth was for me, it wasn't all sunshine and daisies. Mikah's birth was healing in the fact that he came home to me instead of the NICU and I didn't almost die with infections. The first few weeks of his life were not easy. I still suffered from PPD and PTSD from Ein so all that anxiety from the 35 weeks I tried to stay pregnant with Mikah and the depression from my first experience came crashing in as soon as we got home. As if it wasn't enough my body couldn't sustain him without medical intervention, my body couldn't be his source of food either. Because he was early he wasn't strong enough to feed for very long. Knowing what I do know about breastfeeding now, I know that if I would have fed him on demand like I initially wanted and had I ignored every one's discomfort at me nursing in public, we might still have a healthy relationship to this day. Still, because of my doubt and high anxiety, the remarks and comments I had expected myself to easily brush off actually sealed the deal in breastfeeding.
So, my failed breastfeeding relationship just gave my crappy self-esteem room to move a little lower. I cried probably every day the first 2 months fighting off the thoughts of hopelessness and deeming myself a worthless mother. You had one job as a mother, to feed him, and you can't even do that. At least with Ein you had an excuse. He was in the NICU and you had to pump. Mikah is right here at your breast. Feed him! Worthless. Yea, needless to say, I was not a friend to myself.
I remember sometimes I would check Facebook to see who I might could talk to about these feelings, but I was embarrassed and scared. I'm just being foolish. If I take a walk I'll feel better. If I tell someone, they might take Mikah away from me! So instead, I took pictures of Mikah like crazy. Just to capture that moment of happiness I felt so I could look back at it when having a rough day and remember that and tell myself, "see, you were happy there. It can happen again." No one tells you that you might not love your baby everyday, or love yourself everyday, but it does happen.
Though I haven't had an ideal pregnancy, birth, or bond with my son, I love him more than anything and would do anything for him. Just having these mental illnesses and daily struggles with them make it harder for me to realize that I deserve him. If I never have another child, I hope that I can finally be okay with just Mikah, because he deserves that much. He is more than good enough for me and I'm trying desperately to be good enough for him.
Thursday, January 23, 2014
This Ad... Oh Motherhood...
This ad, brought to you by Boba, reveals the heart-warming, side of motherhood. The fear, the joy, the hope. Though, I am disappointed that adoption wasn't a part of it. I know adoptive mothers go through the same thing spiritually, if not physically. What do you think of it?
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
Toddler Sniffles and the Rest of Humanity
If you are or have been a caretaker of a sick toddler then you know that you can expect some sleepy days, some tantrums, some snuggles, and a whole lot of snot. It can be hard, sometimes, to keep up with your sick toddler because it can seem like they have no off switch for any illness and leave you more worn down than they are. If this is not you, I am SO jealous that your sweet baby sleeps through his/her illness and/or cuddles for hours on end. My little guy is currently playing with the curtains and will probably terrorize the dog in a split-second.
Still, life goes on and you'll probably need groceries, more medicines, or have to take your little joy to the doctor. That's when the battle really begins. With all the germs flying around this season, people tend to revert back to animalistic instincts around the sickly and, if it weren't against the social norm, I'm sure there would be snarling and barking as to keep them illness-free. Most people will tell you to keep it at home and as much as I'd like to it's not always an option. Sometimes I need to get out just for my sanity and keeping the illness in the home isn't helping us get any better. I'm not trying to sound insensitive as I know there are those with immune deficiencies that dread a sick toddler. This post is not for you. This is for those that can afford a doctor's visit and only want to discourage loving, worn out parents.
Taking your rambunctious, fever-crazed toddler to the doctor isn't as easy as you might think either. There are surfaces to touch, to taste, and to smell and also other snot-faced children to kiss. I love that I have an affectionate toddler that loves to share. Snot sharing, however, not so much. When did waiting for the doctor to call on you become such an Olympic event? I'm pretty sure most of those sports were created by a mom or dad with at least four children under the age of five.
Still, life goes on and you'll probably need groceries, more medicines, or have to take your little joy to the doctor. That's when the battle really begins. With all the germs flying around this season, people tend to revert back to animalistic instincts around the sickly and, if it weren't against the social norm, I'm sure there would be snarling and barking as to keep them illness-free. Most people will tell you to keep it at home and as much as I'd like to it's not always an option. Sometimes I need to get out just for my sanity and keeping the illness in the home isn't helping us get any better. I'm not trying to sound insensitive as I know there are those with immune deficiencies that dread a sick toddler. This post is not for you. This is for those that can afford a doctor's visit and only want to discourage loving, worn out parents.
Taking your rambunctious, fever-crazed toddler to the doctor isn't as easy as you might think either. There are surfaces to touch, to taste, and to smell and also other snot-faced children to kiss. I love that I have an affectionate toddler that loves to share. Snot sharing, however, not so much. When did waiting for the doctor to call on you become such an Olympic event? I'm pretty sure most of those sports were created by a mom or dad with at least four children under the age of five.
Thursday, January 16, 2014
Discipline and Toddlers
*This blog post is not bashing parents who do physically discipline their children. Choose what's right for your family as I will mine. Thanks for reading!*
So besides the trouble I have with family members not following my son's restrictive diet, I also have a hard time getting them to lay off the discipline advice. None so much as my father. Now, I love my dad and I respect him in a way a daughter should respect her father, up until a point. My dad and I have a rough history together, but he's cleaned up his act enough that I allow him to be in mine and my son's life. I don't know if that right there leaves him thinking he can raise my child how he sees fit or what, but I'm not having it.
My dad whipped me as a child, not spanked, whipped. I don't want to get into details but let me just say that he was very well known for losing his temper and losing control. He's not like he was and is still working out his anger issues, but not enough for me to trust him to physically discipline my child. I welcome advice from my elders on how to discipline Mikah because they've been through it and I do need ideas and help from time to time. I don't, however, need or want advice from teens and non-parents, nor do I want the old saying, "Spare the rod, spoil the child. Proverbs 13:24 " (which, depending on the version of text, it says nothing about a rod, only to chasten them if you love them. (paraphrasing) as the offered words of wisdom. I really don't care if that's what the Bible says to do. The Bible also says, "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live. Exodus 22:18" but I'm not going on a witch hunt any time soon and neither is anyone else.
Point being, I don't care who says it's right or how it worked for you. It doesn't work for my son, I won't be doing it to my son because of my own anger issues, and I would like others, especially my own father, to respect or at least acquiesce to my parenting style and wishes. Every child is different when it comes to things like this and Mikah isn't even 2 yet so, obviously, we're still trying to find our groove. Instead of petty, mumbled remarks behind my back or even blatant disrespect for my parenting journey, why not try some carefully chosen words and phrases like, "You're an excellent mother. Keep up the good work!" Or, "I know you can do it and Mikah's smart, he'll get the hang of it. Just be consistent. I love you both."
See, not that hard. I bet even my dad wanted to hear that once in a while. Why do you think there are so many parents since his generation and on decided that whipping their kid weren't for them? Because maybe they have the scar(s) to prove it doesn't work.
Monday, January 13, 2014
MommyCon
*This is not a promotional post. I have not and will not receive any special compensation for blogging about MommyCon (though that would be sa-weet!) and their sponsors. Though I do recommend you research them. :D*
Hooray for MommyCon!!! What is a MommyCon? I'm so glad you asked! MommyCon is a safe haven for hippy parents like me! No, seriously. It's a safe haven/ festival/ fair for like-minded parents with forward thinking concepts. There are local birth professionals, baby brands you know and love, popular bloggers, and big-hit personalities. All or welcome, not just the hippy, AP, granola parents.(No offense.)
They head out all of the country through most major cities. They also have a Facebook page and I love that they interact with their followers. MommyCon hosts retailers like Ergo, Sloomb, Britax, and Motherlove and even give you free step-by-step instructions on baby wearing, how to safely install a car seat, and even give demonstrations.
So why do I care so much? Well, I'm kind of like a kid in a candy store with this one. I've never been and really want to go. I live in a pretty decent sized town with a 30,000 population count, but there are hardly any like-minded parents here. Yea, we all want what's best for our children, but besides from a couple of my friends and a few strangers I've met along the way, no one here cloth diapers, baby wears, uses amber teething necklaces, do play-based learning, etc. I'm such a nerd for this stuff that whenever I'm at Wal-Mart and see another mom baby-wearing that I have to stop myself from giving them a high-five. I want to touch all of the cloth diapers, I want to try Mikah in some of the woven wraps, and I want to squeal with delight when I see Jessica from The Leaky Boob.
I can see it now. I roll up in there with Mikah on my back, safely tucked into the Ergo while sporting his amber teething necklace nestled gently on top of his organic cotton t-shirt. Of course, his cloth diaper will have to be color-coordinated, just in case something happens to his pants... If only I can convince my husband to make the 4 hour trip.
All of THAT being said, I just want to have a good time with mamas like me that push the norm for their kids, moms that think outside of the box yet thrive to get back down to basics. Community is what I'm after, even if I have to pay for it.
Hooray for MommyCon!!! What is a MommyCon? I'm so glad you asked! MommyCon is a safe haven for hippy parents like me! No, seriously. It's a safe haven/ festival/ fair for like-minded parents with forward thinking concepts. There are local birth professionals, baby brands you know and love, popular bloggers, and big-hit personalities. All or welcome, not just the hippy, AP, granola parents.(No offense.)
They head out all of the country through most major cities. They also have a Facebook page and I love that they interact with their followers. MommyCon hosts retailers like Ergo, Sloomb, Britax, and Motherlove and even give you free step-by-step instructions on baby wearing, how to safely install a car seat, and even give demonstrations.
So why do I care so much? Well, I'm kind of like a kid in a candy store with this one. I've never been and really want to go. I live in a pretty decent sized town with a 30,000 population count, but there are hardly any like-minded parents here. Yea, we all want what's best for our children, but besides from a couple of my friends and a few strangers I've met along the way, no one here cloth diapers, baby wears, uses amber teething necklaces, do play-based learning, etc. I'm such a nerd for this stuff that whenever I'm at Wal-Mart and see another mom baby-wearing that I have to stop myself from giving them a high-five. I want to touch all of the cloth diapers, I want to try Mikah in some of the woven wraps, and I want to squeal with delight when I see Jessica from The Leaky Boob.
I can see it now. I roll up in there with Mikah on my back, safely tucked into the Ergo while sporting his amber teething necklace nestled gently on top of his organic cotton t-shirt. Of course, his cloth diaper will have to be color-coordinated, just in case something happens to his pants... If only I can convince my husband to make the 4 hour trip.
All of THAT being said, I just want to have a good time with mamas like me that push the norm for their kids, moms that think outside of the box yet thrive to get back down to basics. Community is what I'm after, even if I have to pay for it.
Friday, January 10, 2014
McDonald's Play-Place Protocol
*In this blog post there will be appearances from my best friend and his 3 year old daughter. For privacy purposes their names will be "Funman" and "Le-Le", respectively.*
Yesterday, after running errands with Funman, Mikah and I decide to join our friends at McDonald's for a small lunch and a run around the play-place. It was a really gloomy, wet day so I was pretty satisfied to have somewhere, besides my house, to let Mikah burn off his toddler energy. Even better, Mikah had never been prior to this one occasion so I was curious as to how he'd react.
He and Le-Le had a great time running, jumping, and rolling around. Mikah didn't quite get what he was supposed to do, but Le-Le was a pro at it. She tried to get him interested a few times, but Mikah was just as happy jumping inside a big, red "ball"... as he put it.
Then, the others came... Two women and their kids came in with their lunch maybe 5 minutes after we had gone in there. The oldest two, a boy and a girl, were older than our kids by probably a few years. The oldest was the boy and he was sweet and patient with both Mikah and Le-Le. The girl, however, was bossy and rude. She initiated adventures through the winding tubes but only if you did as you were told. Though, even with her attitude, there were many things that were easily overlooked. Funman and I even got in there with our kids so that Le-Le wouldn't get upset that her new friend didn't want to play anymore.
After a few minutes of climbing, chasing, and sliding, Funman and I got out to catch our breath. That's when the other kids got their infant brother in there with them so he could "explore". At first it was cute, but then the little girl decided that no one was allowed in the tube where he was at. Le-Le, not understanding this, tried to get in to see the baby but the little girl was not having it. She pushed Le-Le and I reprimanded them telling them to share. Then the little girl yelled at her, telling her to stay out when Le-Le tried again to play! That's when Funman started getting upset and confused as to how to handle the situation. Instead, I kept telling them to share and stop being mean, but when the little girl forced Le-Le out of the tube I scolded her and told her to keep her hands to herself.
All of this happened while the two women they came with just sat eating and talking like nothing was happening. Funman quickly decided that playtime was over so I changed Mikah's diaper and we were out of there. We discussed what had just happened when we got into the car and that's when Funman commented, "I didn't know what to do. I mean, what's the protocol for that? Is there a McDonald's play-place protocol? Ugh, stupid parents." We had a pretty good laugh about that and went on our way. I feel like we handled the situation well, but both Funman and I have heard tales of fights breakout among parents for strangers disciplining each other's children, Even adults being rude to children at places like these. So what is the protocol? In this day and age we all have to walk around on egg shells, it seems, just to want to defend our kids. Silly.
Picture of an authentic McDonald's play-place for reference. Minus the millions of unattended children and mass chaos and confusion. :D
He and Le-Le had a great time running, jumping, and rolling around. Mikah didn't quite get what he was supposed to do, but Le-Le was a pro at it. She tried to get him interested a few times, but Mikah was just as happy jumping inside a big, red "ball"... as he put it.
Then, the others came... Two women and their kids came in with their lunch maybe 5 minutes after we had gone in there. The oldest two, a boy and a girl, were older than our kids by probably a few years. The oldest was the boy and he was sweet and patient with both Mikah and Le-Le. The girl, however, was bossy and rude. She initiated adventures through the winding tubes but only if you did as you were told. Though, even with her attitude, there were many things that were easily overlooked. Funman and I even got in there with our kids so that Le-Le wouldn't get upset that her new friend didn't want to play anymore.
After a few minutes of climbing, chasing, and sliding, Funman and I got out to catch our breath. That's when the other kids got their infant brother in there with them so he could "explore". At first it was cute, but then the little girl decided that no one was allowed in the tube where he was at. Le-Le, not understanding this, tried to get in to see the baby but the little girl was not having it. She pushed Le-Le and I reprimanded them telling them to share. Then the little girl yelled at her, telling her to stay out when Le-Le tried again to play! That's when Funman started getting upset and confused as to how to handle the situation. Instead, I kept telling them to share and stop being mean, but when the little girl forced Le-Le out of the tube I scolded her and told her to keep her hands to herself.
All of this happened while the two women they came with just sat eating and talking like nothing was happening. Funman quickly decided that playtime was over so I changed Mikah's diaper and we were out of there. We discussed what had just happened when we got into the car and that's when Funman commented, "I didn't know what to do. I mean, what's the protocol for that? Is there a McDonald's play-place protocol? Ugh, stupid parents." We had a pretty good laugh about that and went on our way. I feel like we handled the situation well, but both Funman and I have heard tales of fights breakout among parents for strangers disciplining each other's children, Even adults being rude to children at places like these. So what is the protocol? In this day and age we all have to walk around on egg shells, it seems, just to want to defend our kids. Silly.
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