Diabeetus

 Just recently, I've been diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes. This means that my pancreas does not make enough insulin. Yes, I am obese and also have a genetic predisposition to the disease so shame on me for not maintaining my health. Anyway, while I was in Austin for Mommy Con I did try to lose weight by diet and exercise. Mikah and I were there for almost 3 months and in that time I lost about 15% of my body weight. When I got home is when I found out I was now diabetic. Symptoms of diabetes are frequent urination, increased appetite, sugar cravings, Candida, slow healing, and increased thirst. I had all of them and then some. A normal, basic healthy person's blood glucose (sugar) level should be 70-120 and mine was between 300 and 500, always. Though I am glad to say that, with the help of insulin and a pill, my levels are a lot lower now. Down to normal on some days.

 It really gets hard sometimes to follow a diabetic diet. I already am on restrictions because of lactose intolerance and beef intolerance (but if you know me then you know I still kill myself with ice cream) and so trying to maintain healthy habits with pre-existing conditions AND a poor financial situation causes some grief. I'm not making excuses, it just fact. I'm 25 years old and I was warned that this would happen, eventually. It's no one else's fault but my own for my health problems. I didn't really believe it would happen, though. I feel so cliche' saying it. So "teen" like. Obviously, I'm not invincible, but I was young, sort of healthy. Or, at least, I had my youth on my side. I could bounce back... Nope. I tell you one thing, having this sort of health problem reminds me just how human I am. How frail and fleeting my life is really. That sentence may seem dramatic to some, but if left untreated or treated poorly, I could lose my life.  Diabetes does have a mortality rate, no how matter it may seem in comparison to other health risks, and I'm not ready to check out.

 In addition to the insulin and the pill I take to manage my Diabetes, I also have to take Lipitor to manage my high cholesterol. Which, come to find out, is a side effect of unmanaged, high blood sugars. The side effects of all these medicines aren't nice, either. Though I know it'll be worth it if it gets me healthy enough that I can eventually get back on my feet and no longer need the meds. I need to learn NOT to indulge in my cravings. I know better, just bad habits. I try so hard to keep Mikah healthy so he doesn't get these problems but, I forgot about me. Parents tend to do that sometimes, don't we? Don't forget about yourself. Our children need us!

Potty Training? Cloth Diapers?

 Oh Man!! Potty training is... is... an adventure, that's for sure! I want to say Mikah does well with it, sometimes. He for sure doesn't like stopping what he's doing to potty, but he IS getting better at telling me that he needs to or stopping when he feels a wet sensation just long enough to get to the toilet. On most nights he is dry the whole night without potty breaks or else he wakes me up by squirming. (We co-sleep/bed share, though his bed is right next to ours so I try to encourage him to stay in it.) The only problem we seem to have is NOT pooping in his undies. Hit or miss there.

 Of course, potty training means NO MORE DIAPERS! This is sort of a mixed bag for me. We were a cloth diapering family. Not only because it was healthier for Mikah, but because it was cheaper and easier on our budget. There were a few times I got frustrated with a certain type of cloth diaper but, all in all, I loved it. I loved showing off Mikah in the summer with big, cute diapers and spreading awareness to those curious enough to let their eyes settle on one of my Lovely Pocket Diapers or custom Bear Monkey Bottoms covers. That being said, I am SO happy to not have to change him every hour or do diaper laundry. No, it wasn't hard or inconvenient, I just find taking Mikah to the potty a heck of a lot better than changing his diaper. Mikah even knows how to wipe himself pretty well so that's almost no longer my job either.

 No longer using cloth diapers means my stash is free to go to someone else. Most cloth diapers, if left in good condition, can sell for pretty close to what you bought it for. Some of mine need new elastic so I won't be selling them. Instead, I'm choosing to sanitize them (just in case) and donate them to a friend(s) in need. Of course, there are a few that WON'T be leaving me. I might have another child... someday... Cloth diapers can be of sentimental value, too!

 I can't believe how fast Mikah has grown. He truly amazes me every day and teaches ME things I never ever thought I'd learn about life or about myself. I can't say I enjoy this potty training act. More like I'm being the one trained here. I know it's worth it, though, and makes room for our family to grow. Sorry it's been so long since I've written anything. Been SUPER busy here. Be on the look out for some interesting posts or suggest a post!

I Am Strong

*I've taken this idea from Birth Without Fear Blog. A blog that I follow and admire. Feel free to make your own post. Sometimes we take our selves for granted, put our own needs on the back burner. Sometimes we need to give our selves more credit.*

 I am strong because when I was 4 years old, my sisters and I lost our mother due to a heart attack. She was 28 years old. I learned what being the oldest meant that day.

 I am strong because a year or two later an uncle decided to put his hands on me like a woman. This would continue for years.

 I am strong because, though my dad wasn't there for us (bottled up in his own grief), my grandmother was and I learned what a real woman was.

 I am strong because I, and my sisters, endured harsh years of mental and physical abuse by my father and his girlfriend's hands.

 I am strong because through it all, we stuck together and forgave our father. Even after several failed suicide attempts in front of us.

 I am strong because the sexual abuse of one man led to others sexually exploiting me. It finally ended when I was 16.

 I am strong because I survived my own suicide attempts. Either by drugs, drinking, or self-mutilation.

 I am strong because at the age of 20 I met the love of my life. We were married within 6 months of dating. I felt safe and whole.

 I am strong because 3 months later I became pregnant with my first child. I gave birth to a boy at 28 weeks along.

 I am strong because, along with my husband, I endured a grueling recovery from an emergency c-section and 10 hopeful/ fearful days with my son in the NICU. He died on the last day.

 I am strong because instead of dying of grief in bed, I picked myself up and went to counseling. I forced myself to smile because it hurt less than thinking of what I had lost.

 I am strong because about 9 months later, we became pregnant again. My heart ached, my senses dulled. Fear became my friend.

 I am strong because even though I went into labor twice, developed Gestational Diabetes and Pre-E, and stayed on bed rest for 15 weeks at the hospital due to IC, at 35.5 weeks I gave birth (through c-section) to a healthy and happy 5lb 13oz baby boy.

 I am strong because two years, 3 months, and 8 days later that same baby boy is climbing the arm of the couch and singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.

 And even though I still struggle with my weight, self-esteem, depression, and now Diabetes, I am a survivor. I persevered. I am living. I am strong.

Where Am I Going With This?

Life is so short, fleeting, and sweet. How coincidental is it that soul mates ever meet. A baby's first heart beat, a father's last breath. Some would argue its most precious gift is Death. If you don't believe in deities then Life and Death might have no spiritual meaning to you. Perhaps our bodies simply feed the trees... or the grass under my shoe. I can respect that. We'd be omnipresent. Our Death giving Life day and night. Whispering under the waning crescent. I believe in the wind and it cleanses my soul. I believe that the water washes me and leaves me whole. I believe in the sun and the Son shines its light. I believe the Earth was made for us and we should protect it with all our might. Life is exhausting, disappointing, and hard. My days are numbered, but my Life can't be barred.

The Mom I Want To Be

 Motherhood doesn't come with instructions. Some women have an innate sense of it when their children are born. I have to confess, fear was the first thing that popped into my head when my son's were born. It might have been the circumstances of their birth, but I feel it's the most accurate description of what motherhood is like sometimes. Fearful.

 When Mikah was born and placed into my arms the first time, I was shocked, fearful, sad, and relieved all at once. Yes, I loved him, but the worse is hardly ever over once the child is born. Just because you can see, touch, and smell your child doesn't mean they are out of harms way. For the first year of his life I was that high-strung, nervous wreck of a mother. I was constantly playing out worst-case scenarios and choosing the lesser of the two evils for every decision. I felt horrible when I had to give him exclusive formula because I felt like a failure and felt that I was poisoning him. And every time he threw it up that thought process was affirmed for me.

 I have to say, the first year of his life, I did indeed let myself go. I let myself go to make sure he would thrive. Not because he wasn't, but because I feared he wouldn't. I feared, since he was 5wks early, he wouldn't be able to keep up with his peers. I constantly compared us to other mothers and babies his age. One of the worst things I have ever done. I set myself up for disaster at every turn and it fed into Post-Partum Depression like a log on a fire.

 Yesterday I was looking at old photos and videos of Mikah and it made me sad. All I could remember is how stressed out I was or think about how I could have done things differently. I had actually forgotten how cute my son was. Yea, people will tell you to enjoy is while you can, and it's true, but that's just a brief summarization. Why don't more people tell you that, while those emotions are normal, they should be discussed? Why don't other mothers express that to their sisters, nieces, daughters, and granddaughters? Why did I have to read about it in a blog?

 I can tell a dramatic difference in the way I parent now compared to his first year. Some things still stand though, like for his diet and cloth diapering (of course!), but I'm a lot more relaxed. If I don't take care of myself, who would take care of him? It shows in Mikah as well. He's not as afraid of others, he can initiate play with someone other than me, won't scream the whole time I'm gone, and all of that is affirmed each time he randomly kisses me and tells me he loves me. I love being his mom and I adore him. Though I've had a difficult beginning in Motherhood, I wouldn't change it for anything. Those difficulties turned into lessons learned and allowed me to become a mom to a pretty cute and rambunctious little boy. Who knew you could learn so much from a toddler? He's helping shape me into the mom I want to be.

Baby Fever

 Oh man, I have baby fever alright. I've pretty much had it since Mikah turned one. Some days are worse than others, and some days I think I'm crazy for having those other days. If you're not familiar, Baby Fever is not what babies get when they're sick, per se, it's a term used to describe a feeling women/men get when they strongly desire offspring of their own or MORE offspring. Right now I desire MORE!

 It might just be because a few of my family members and friends are pregnant, might be because I read about and look at nothing but child birth, breastfeeding, baby wearing, baby photos and articles. Plain and simple: I want another child. I always wanted at least 3 and the next child will be number 3 for us. Also, being told that there is a time limit on your child-bearing years kind of lights a fire under your butt. That, coupled with reasonably and responsibly having children, leaves me emotional and hormonal... Baby Fever.

 Things one can do when said Baby Fever attacks your home are: Buy all the baby gear! Seriously, because you usually have Baby Fever when there are pregnant friends or family around you, buy something nice for the new/ bigger family. It allows you to get that fix of baby shopping (while simultaneously reminding you why you decided to wait for financial reasons) and helps relieve some stress of the family you're buying for.

Don't go to Babies R Us if you don't plan on drooling over baby furniture.

 Make something/ DIY! Nothing says, "I'm UUBER excited" than a homemade mobile, wall hanging, or clothing item for the precious, new babe. Depending on how elaborate you are, you can get away with making a sweet gift for under $5 bucks. Plus, homemade gifts are usually received just as well as big ticket items because of the thought and appreciation put into said gift. If you haven't yet, visit Pinterest for some baby/kid DIY! Here's a link to one of my boards.

What better to do with your Parent magazine than to repurpose it for a cute basket?! This would be great for moms with babies expected to arrive on or around Easter. Follow the link to my board for more info.

 The last thing I can think of that would either break or make your Baby Fever is babysitting. It would allow you to hug and cuddle the babies/ kids you offer to take responsibility of for any amount of time, you get paid, and it allows you the experience you need to decide if growing your family/ starting your family is the right choice.

 Or, you know, you could be like me and be the indecisive over-achiever and do all three! I think my Baby Fever doesn't just come from the anticipation of babies. For me, it comes from the knowledge that there will be great "ahh" and "aww" moments to be had as well as "wtf" and "seriously?!" moments and I want to help my friends and families with that transition. To help alleviate any doubts they have with themselves as parents and answer, or at least help research, the questions that will eventually arise. I know those instances, and it's not fun alone.

I Went to MommyCon-Austin!!

 Heck yes I did!!! I know this post is a little late but, jeez, I had to recuperate. I lost 9lbs that day! Then little man got sick so we both had to recuperate from that. I will say this though, it was a smaller event than I thought it would be. I would expect that if it were in Dallas, not Austin. Just that made it kind of anti-climactic. Also, despite the easily attained schedules, I missed out on A LOT of seminars. Half of that was my fault though, not realizing I had to sign up virtually for the sleep consultation and having to bring my toddler to the potty every 20 minutes or stopping to feed him. (Who does that?!) Though there were a lot of women, like myself, confused by the workshop and seminar rooms and where to find their lectures. All that being said, the staff was extremely helpful and nice. Even offering me a seat in the sleep consultation if not all the attendees showed. I'm just grateful they came!

This shot (Expo Hall) was taken from the entrance and to the left. A LOT of space was still available. Even with the lunch counter and tables on the side. The black drop was the set up for Project: Breastfeeding. (I got to meet Hector!!)

 I had to get there early though because Amanda, leader and founder of The Rebecca Foundation's Cloth Diaper Closet, was supposed to be the MommyCon ambassador but, had a conflicting morning schedule and I agreed to fill in for a few hours. It allowed me to familiarize myself with the space, meet the vendors as they were setting up, scope out the bathrooms and exits in case of a toddler emergency... You know, the usual. I was also able to set up the TRFCDC banner and donation box at the registration desk. Though it wasn't a lot, I was VERY PLEASED to find a few good condition diapers at the end of the day. If any one of you that donated are reading this, THANK YOU SO VERY VERY VERY MUCH!! That's just about enough to donate to one family in need or struggling. :)

 Oh, and we also participated in the Great Cloth Diaper Change! Jamie TheBabyGuyNYC, The Honest Toddler, and Jessica from The Leaky Boob were there to help keep things interesting while we waited to unanimously change our babies into a clean cloth diaper like other women from various locations around the world. Going in, we all had a raffle ticket to win a prize, but these guys also played Trivia (of sorts) for others to win. I wasn't fast enough to answer those questions, or able to sing a song from the movie Frozen  (no lie!), but I DID win a diaper with my raffle ticket. I was so amazed and shocked. Good thing little man was procrastinating! Anyway, results aren't back yet in regards to if we actually broke a record, but we helped raise awareness, like I'm doing right now. I also got to chat with some lovely ladies and their littles. That's just as good... Right? Right.

 All in all, it was a great day. I'm so thankful that I had this experience, a probably once in a lifetime experience, and got to meet like-minded men and women to remind me of why I chose this path in parenting. I hope that there are fortunate families in every city able to attend. There are at least seven more cities in the line up. Which will you attend? Don't forget to use my code BRITTSBLOG on general admission for a discount. Thanks for reading!

The crew spitting out trivia questions.

Xza, one of the founders of MommyCon, handing out a diaper to a lucky mama.

MOAR questions!

"Do you wanna build a snowman?" See, Frozen...

My beautiful, soft, fluffy diaper!

The Joovy rep let me borrow this bike so Mikah could cruise around!

Wrapping sessions! Oh how I wish I had a wrap!!

Volunteer for MommyCon

 Did you know that you could volunteer some hours at MommyCon events near you and get a free admission? That's WAY better than my discount code, BRITTSBLOG, but it's still available if the spaces fill up before you can email them. Check out their daily facebook posts, like this one, and many others. After Austin the crew will be headed to Denver, Boston, Memphis, Philadelphia, and New Port Beach!! The Austin event is also hosting The Great Cloth Diaper Change so, if you haven't already, at least register for that and help us break the world record of most babies changed into a cloth diaper at one time. You can either bring your own or borrow one. Hope to see you there!!

Week in the Life: Visiting Family, Easter, and Prepping for MommyCon!

 Wow! This has been a very long, fun-filled week for me. Last Saturday, the 12th, was Mikah's birthday party. I he looked SOOO sweet blowing out his birthday candles and smiling at every one singing "Happy Birthday" to him. He even oohed and ahhed at his presents -trucks- and just overall not a little baby. We also rented a bounce house for him and I can comfortably say we, or the kids) got our money's worth out of it. It's heart-warming to watch his personality change but also a little heart-breaking to see his focus shift from me to others around him. He's not completely there, but he will be soon.

 The next day, Sunday, is when Mikah and I rode up to Round Rock with our aunt, uncle, cousins, and my sister. My car is being very trustworthy and I needed a way to get to MommyCon on the 26th so they said they'd bring me. So we get to have a three week vacation with family and my sister (twin) and I can finally work on our relationship together, but not before I locked the keys in my car and my aunt had to call Pop-a-Lock to get them out. Geez! Other than that rocky start, things have been good. I mean, my sister and I had a few misunderstandings, pretty much because we're in different worlds, but I have never been happier than when I'm with them and my sisters. I've even seen a change in Mikah and it's all for the better.

Mikah playing with a cousin that previously had no interest in him. She's 4mths older.

 Tuesday was Mikah's actual birthday, and it was kind of sad. That morning my husband called to tell me that our dog, Rudy, whom we've had for 3 years after my younger sister and I rescued him, the one companion I had when I was too afraid to let anyone know how I truly felt about Ein dying, was run over by someone in the neighborhood right in front of the house. I was and still am upset. I thought my husband was playing some kind of a joke on me like, "haha no, he didn't get hit but he almost did chasing these damn cats." I still don't really believe it. I'm kind of afraid of how I'll react when I get there and he isn't running around my feet and whining because he's so excited to see me. I wonder how Mikah will react because usually the first thing he does when we get home is ask about Rudy. It will be a sad day, indeed.

 These last few days kind of melded together. There have been toddlers running around, lots of hitting and and crying over spilled milk (literally), but more joking, laughter, and smiles than anything else. Today, Easter Sunday, was a very good, fun-filled, tiring day. We all got dressed up and with to church, I choked on the communal wine, there were egg hunts, food, food, and more food. After this week I probably won't know what to do with myself. Oh, I know! Get ready for MommyCon!!

Saying, "cheeeeese" with his Easter egg.

 So, now that San Francisco is done with MommyCon, it's Austin's turn to host. MommyCon Austin will be held at the Palmer Events Center and is planned around family so bring all your kids!!! Or not, you know. ;) I'll even be there representing The Rebecca Foundation and filling in until our wonderful founder Amanda Vaughn can join us. There we will have a place to talk with parents that are interested in cloth diapering but are struggling financially and explain how we can help. I'm really nervous but also REALLY excited. I hope I don't fail, or fall, or have Mikah pee on me...

 Don't forget, if you want a ticket to MommyCon, any location, then use my discount code BRITTSBLOG in the promotional code box at the time of registration. Have to move fast though and I hope to see you in Austin on the 26th!!

Potty Training and Exploitation

 This has to be, by far, the hardest part of parenting a toddler that I have encountered so far. Potty training. I'm trying not to get stressed out about it and would rather him take his time BUT, Mikah suffers from food sensitivities like noacidic foods/fruits, for one, or else it gives his behind water blisters it burns him so bad. Now, I know that has to do with the fact that he's pretty much urinating on himself and into the diaper and I'd rather have this part of his life over with so I can begin to experiment with and maybe get him to tolerate foods like that better.

 That's the big, selfless part of it. Another reason, that makes me giddy inside, is that my sister is pregnant! She's almost 15 weeks and I think I have her boyfriend convinced to cloth diaper. YAY!! That means Mikah's diapers can become hand-me-downs, or I can use them for clients for my TRFCDC- chapter. (If and when I get an applicant. By the way, I can't believe I haven't done an update on that. More to come about The Rebecca Foundation's Cloth Diaper Closet and how you can apply if you need our help for you or a friend! Though, Mikah being in diapers still is keeping me from having another one so soon, or, at least, keeping me from planning for another child. I don't want two in diapers. Nope.

 It seems like Mikah knows that I want him to urinate in the toilet but I think he still has trouble with letting it go on command. He knows the feeling and will tell me he has to go, but would rather flush the toilet instead.Yesterday, all he wanted to do was to be in his underwear. He did use the toilet a couple of times, but urinated on himself the rest of the time. Still progress!! A few months ago he could care less and would rather run around naked. Now, because of his obsession with cars, trucks, and dinosaurs I've exploited that obsession to get him to wear the underwear and hopefully not soil himself. It kind of works. He likes the pictures of dinosaurs and cars and can hold his little bladder for a few hours. I guess we'll see where we're at in a few more months.

 I have learned that it's not really potty-training so much as it is potty-learning. Mikah's learning to listen to his body's cues, learning to communicate that with me, and I'm learning to listen and understand him so that we can work together to get him "house-broken". Haha! Times like these I wish I could remember how I was potty trained. I remember my sister (the pregnant one) still in diapers when I was four and remember that I was in big girl panties, but nothing really before then. That at least gives me some relief to know that somewhere between now and age 4 it'll happen.

 Any pro tips for PLing a little boy?

Oh Time, You Silly Thing...

 Whew! What busy weeks these have been lately. Babysitting, visiting with family, planning my trip to MommyCon- Austin, dealing with a sick toddler, potty training, and planning a 2 year old's birthday party on a budget... Yeah. One step at a time. Right? Right.

 If you don't know, MommyCon goes to different cities across the U.S.A. every year. This is their second year and BOY have they grown! Take for instance MommyCon- San Francisco. Did you know that Alanis Morissette is going to be the guest speaker there? Alanis-freaking-Morissette!!!!! As much as I love her (fangirling, sorry...) there will be other speakers there giving lectures and demonstrations, such as Jamie Grayson- The Baby Guy showing his prowess with all the baby gear you could ever imagine, and Jamie Lynne Grumet- creator of the blog I Am Not the Babysitter and face of the (in)famous Time magazine cover of her and her youngest son breastfeeding. Now, these are not the ONLY speakers there and I'm sure I'm doing a disservice to them by not listing their names as well but, you get my excitement.

 Also, just a reminder, if you want to go but are strapped for cash, search MommyCon on Facebook. They regularly post giveaways or links to them for free tickets, sponsorships, or discount codes. Speaking of which, I have a code for you, my beautiful reader!! Just type in BRITTSBLOG in the promotion box when purchasing your e-ticket and you're good to go. As awesome as that is, sadly, it's only for General admission. That means no discount on VIP or pre-sale tickets.

 I really can't wait to go. I am SO excited and beyond blessed that I have this opportunity. Not only from the creators/organizers of MommyCon USA but from also my family. Mikah and I will be staying with my uncle and his family in Austin. Which is awesome. I love hanging out with them, but we'll be there for 3 weeks. We leave the day after Mikah's b-day party since my car is unreliable. Oh well. MINI-VACATION!! I just hope I don't forget my camera! I mean, no underwear? No problem! No camera, YIKES! That would be very un-blogger of me... (Un-blogger? Making up words because it's late... don't judge me.)

 Mikah's birthday is coming along nicely. Nothing too big. He loves playing with cars and truck more than anything else, except balloons, so it is a really easy thing to decorate with/for. So far I know we'll have a bouncy house... and cake. My step-mom and I have this idea for his cake that, if it becomes reality, will be freaking SWEET! I don't want to say just yet. I might anger the Birthday Cake Gods and force them to make our cake crumble, or the icing melt, or, Birthday Cake Gods forbid, our cake decorating skills look like a failed Pinterest project! PRAY FOR US!

Rant Post

  I ABSOLUTELY HATE BULLIES! I do. I can't stand it when people I know, love, and respect join in with a bully and repeat their words and actions. Now, I know I'm not perfect and have bullied many times out of ignorance and/or fear, but it really irks me when someone is so adamant that they won't apologize or say, "Yea, I guess I see what you're saying. Even though I don't agree with that person's choice(s), it's not my place to cast judgement." What is so hard about the saying that statement and believing it? Why are we so quick to judge and fear and cast out others that are different than us? If we as a society are so hell bent on becoming better than we were, leaving behind us our paleolithic habits and social constructs, then why can't we stop bullying?!  Why do we continue to teach the next generation that it has to be one way and not another.

 Ugh, I guess this is all just a losing battle because there will always be people that care to judge you, classify you, and ridicule you based on outward appearances and what you have or have not. This instinct to judge used to be useful to our survival, now it's just a way to destroy us from the inside out.

Are you a Home-Nudist?

Oddly enough, everywhere I look there have been discussions about whether or not to be naked in front of your kids. My guess is that this stems from anti-bullying discussions, preaching self-love, and of course, we first have to change how we teach our children how to react to and cope with these every day issues.

 My son is almost 2 and even at this young age I know he has noticed that my body is different from his own. He sometimes pokes my bottom or pinches my breast because he's noticed that there are different parts of me other than the arms that hold him or the voice that soothes him. Now is the time to teach boundaries. Not because it's wrong to touch, touch is a sensory, but because he's at an age when observation is learning and learning is about as involuntary as blinking. So I try to purposely teach him through my actions. Especially self-esteem. I want him to know that it's okay to cry, to be upset. Okay to be confused or angry and it's okay to have a body different from my own.

 We don't hide our bodies from Mikah. There will be days when we just won't get dressed at all and even don't put a diaper on Mikah. Which is a good thing for all of us. (Allows our skin to breathe and helps with his potty learning.) I had a hard time loving myself and my body for years. I still do every now and then because I'm overweight. Still, my guys love me for me and that's all that matters. Even though I had hard pregnancies with Ein and Mikah, it still created two beautiful babies. How can I not have appreciation for that?

 Growing up, I knew what my father's body looked like. He wasn't perverted about it and after a certain age he covered up more, but there was no body shaming in our home. It was a part of every day life and it made home feel comfortable and safe. A refuge from the growing social demands of the outside world. Maybe my views about my body really stem from my cultural beliefs. Growing up we embraced, as much as we could, our Native American heritage. Our community did camps and summer programs for native youth that allowed us to learn about our ancestors and their beliefs. To pass on traditions and almost forgotten knowledge. The natives did not find revulsion in their bodies, only mystery and connections with a Creator and the rest of the world. Why can't we go back to embracing ourselves?

 We plan on not being intentional about our naked bodies, but at least mindful when it comes to Mikah so that we leave him with a positive, non-perverted memory and a positive self-image. How do you plan on encouraging positive self-images? Do you have a different point of view than my own? Do you have the same goal but a different path? Please be respectful.

Grammar Snob

 Are you a Grammar Snob or somewhere in between? I'm more laid back about it myself. I know someone somewhere is going to make a mistake so I don't usually point out those misgivings unless they make me mad or are just acting plain stupid. The exception to that would definitely have to be political ads, business signs/ cards, or the quizzes you find on Facebook.

 I mean, COME ON! Errors like that are kind of unforgivable. Unless you are a small Mom and Pop business, or whatever, then there should be some air of professionalism that makes grammatical errors unacceptable. I bring this up because of the Facebook quizzes I've been taking. Some errors are just plain silly but, I figure someone would have seen and rectified the error after, oh I don't know, the first 10,000 hits. Did no one tell them that 'comprimising' was spelled wrong?

 This means that I intentionally don't share something if I notice an error. I know, I know. Petty, very petty. I just can't help it. I probably think that I'm changing the world by not sharing. I'm silly that way. So, what are you? What's your pet peeve, if this isn't it? We all have our annoying quirks. SPILL IT!

P.S. Did I leave any grammatical errors? ;)

Food sensitivities

Ugh, so Mikah-man and I have a sour stomach, though his is far worse. He's actually throwing up. Not all day but definitely at night. Smells awful and spreads everywhere. I tried giving him peppermint water last night and he threw that up too. Bah. No sleep here yet if you looked at Mikah right now you'd swear he was at the peak of health the way he's running around the house.

 Where do toddlers get this energy? I don't get it! Bottle up what he has and sell it to me because I'm currently trying to melt into this chair. We never should have eaten that potato salad but it was sooooo good! It started off innocently enough... Boiled eggs, potatoes, diced pickles, mustard, and mayo blended together in yummy goodness. Mikah, though, can't tolerate anything remotely acidic let alone pickles.I forgot about the pickles being in there, though, and gave him his own bowl full of the stuff. Then, all of the eggs in it acted like a gallon of milk and, let me just say, Mikah's farts are no longer safe. So he pretty much has lava diapers. I think most of the pickles have passed though, being that this was days ago, and the rash is disappearing but now the vomiting is replacing it. Oooooh joy!

 On top of all this, my car is broken. Yep. My sister and I went out of town about an hour away for a baby shower and my car suddenly decided it didn't want to shift out of reverse. Instead, the gear shift broke. Meaning the shift will move but not the gears. My husband and father-in-law are, hopefully, going to manually shift it to drive so hubs can drive it back home to get it fixed. So, yea, good thing we put money in savings every year. It never builds up but it's there. haha

C'est la vie!

Scared Sid Less

As you may know, if you read my bio, this blog is about my experience with  infant loss and how I live my life after it. I also try/want to keep as open as possible on the subject so that people affected by infant loss and 3rd person parties alike will no longer feel it's a closed subject or feel alone. So here is something I want you to know today:

 Scared Sid Less was created by a family that lost their beautiful son, Cullin, to SIDS. Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) or Sudden Unexpected Infant Death (SUID) is a silent killer. To quote the CDC, "Sudden unexpected infant deaths are defined as deaths in infants less than 1 year of age that occur suddenly and unexpectedly, and whose cause of death are not immediately obvious prior to investigation.

Each year in the United States, about 4,000 infants die suddenly of no immediately, obvious cause. About half of these Sudden Unexpected Infant Deaths (SUID) are due to Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS), the leading cause of SUID and of all deaths among infants aged 1–12 months."

 "SIDS is the leading cause of death among infants aged 1–12 months, and is the third leading cause overall of infant mortality in the United States. Although the overall rate of SIDS in the United States has declined by more than 50% since 1990, rates for non-Hispanic black and American Indian/Alaska Native infants remain disproportionately higher than the rest of the population. Reducing the risk of SIDS remains an important public health priority."

 Imagine waking up one day to greet your little one and finding them unresponsive. This horrible syndrome/ disorder or what ever you wish to call it leaves more families scared, helpless. and lost than some of us care to know. That's why we need to be aware. To join hands, if not to fight this, than at least to join hands with parents and families affected. Let them know that they are not forgotten nor are the babies they lost. It's the worst feeling in the world to feel like you are alone in your pain or that you must suffer in silence. NO MORE! Let us shout that there is life after infant loss!

 How can you do that? Most organizations like Scared Sid Less are non-profit and thrive on donations that helps keep them and other initiatives, like Camp Cullin, open to those in need. These donations take the power away from SIDS and puts it back in your/hers/his/our hands. The silence must end.

MommyCon Reminder

 Hiya folks! Just a quick friendly reminder that if you wish to go to MommyCon but are worried about price then you can use my discount code: BRITTSBLOG in the promo code box at the time of purchase to ease your wallet's suffering! You can use it for any event except for pre-sale tickets and VIP upgrades.

 Don't forget to tell your friends!!

It's Mardi Gras!!!

 Hey everyone, iiiiiiit's Mardi Gras or Fat Tuesday!!! What's that? Well you can click here for a brief history of this holiday. And yes, in Louisiana, it's a holiday. That means kids get to stay home from school and SOME business close early.

 Growing up in southern Louisiana meant you knew how to say, "Throw me something, Mister!" by the time you were 4 years old. You understood that whatever you caught quite possibly had a resale value or you saved all your best ones to show off at school. That was better than showing off your new Nike shoes or FUBU jacket. When I was older I was allowed to go to the more "adult" parades and instead of getting beads and plastic coins I was thrown underwear and roach clips with bright feathers attached. Oh those were the days!

 Mardi Gras is NOT what you see on Bourbon Street. I mean, yea, there are parade routes that cater to your wilder side and on the French Quarter I'm sure any place with a bar makes a killing, but I can remember going with my grandparents and sisters to The Little Rascal's parade. A GREAT non-profit krewe centered around the city's youth. Click here for pictures of the parade and more info.

 Did you know that Mardi Gras isn't only celebrated in New Orleans or Louisiana? Even here in East Texas people celebrate it. They have different versions like Muddy Gras, where you can go muddin' in your four wheelers or trucks through the mud and pretty much just have all out redneck fun, or some places, like Jefferson, TX, even have their own parades. Outside of the U.S. there is Brazil. They celebrate Carnaval and is the most traditional sense of Mardi Gras rooted in Roman Catholic rituals.

 So, did you learn something today? Do you understand the difference between saying going to Mardi Gras and going to a Mardi Gras parade? (chuckles) That's good. Now, get your groove on! Mikah and I will probably be making Mardi Gras Cookies. I'll update this post if it works out.

Laissez Le Bon Temps Rouler! That means, " Let the Good Times Roll!"

Infant Loss

 Aside from what the title says, this post will be about miscarriage. Not mine, but the feelings I have toward another's suffering.

 A cousin of mine has suffered a first-trimester miscarriage. Mostly over the past few days but confirmed today. Not only has she had to deal with that but also because it got to the point that her blood pressure dropped and she almost needed blood to be given to her. Luckily that wasn't needed and she with her mother so she can be taken care of for the next few days while her body recuperates.

 Her mind, however, is a different story. I don't know for sure what she is thinking right now. Is she in shock? Has she grasped the reality of it yet? I don't know. What I do know is that if she falls asleep she'll probably wake up remembering she lost her baby and her world will crumble all over again. And this will happen many more times in the next few weeks, months, etc.

 She has lost her child. The hope she had for that little life that was growing inside her is now gone. She might feel betrayed by her own body. How I wish I were there to try to comfort her. If anything, to just sit there and offer my silent understanding.

 I wonder if the hospital even acknowledged she lost a baby. Some doctors and nurses can be so stoic, so cold. Especially towards miscarriage mothers because there's nothing to show for all the cramping and bleeding. There's nothing to bury, no baby clothes were worn. But she remembers the sonogram, the positive test. She can't and probably won't easily forget them. This child was/ is loved.

A New Understanding

 Well, I told you I'd update you about my receiving my medical records. Sorry I didn't update sooner. It just took me a little bit to process and cope with the new information.

 First off, remember me griping about having to pay for MY medical records? Yea, well, I got them for free. Yea! I had decided to go with my doctor's office since it was cheaper. I get up there and the nurse prints off Ein's and Mikah's medical report. Everything leading up to delivery, all except Mikah's c-section report. I tell her a little bit of why I wanted them so I think this was just her being compassionate and for that I'm very grateful.

 There was a lot of numbers, blacked out and deleted notes that I didn't understand but there was enough information that I feel I can finally gain confirmation and closure. For real this time. I don't have to just let-it-go and instead just completely let-go... If that makes sense.

 Starting at around 16 weeks, in the doctor's notes, I had notified her of lower abdominal, lower back, and hip pain. And also at almost every appointment after until I had him. Kind of peeved that I wasn't checked, but to my doctor's credit, I also brushed it off as pains from my Fibromyalgia. According to blood work and lab tests I also had a mild case of Gestational Diabetes and Hypertension. This I didn't know. I guess, since my appointment was supposed to be that Monday after I had Ein, I would have found out. Still, wouldn't have been good to know for Mikah's pregnancy.

 In Ein's c-section report, the doctor states that when my bag of waters were busted the fluid was stained with meconium, a baby's first stool; a black, tar-like stool passed shortly after birth or sometimes even while mother is overdue or in labor. Can also be a sign of distress. I believe if I hadn't gone into labor this might have had an adverse effect on his little body such as breathing it in or causing infections

. Further along in the c-section notes it is typed out that they classified me as anemic because I had lost 800 cc of blood. I'm pretty sure 1000 cc is cause for an emergency though because it didn't state that I needed blood transfusions or anything and the report said that I was in stable condition. Thinking back about it now, that's probably why I felt like crap the last few weeks. I was so miserable.

 In Mikah's reports I found the Urinalysis of the 24-protein evaluation of my urine that I had never gotten back because I had him that morning. It showed that I did have Pre-E. It wasn't too high and probably could have been induced had I pushed it but I would have had to have Mikah in the next few days at the rate the protein levels were rising. This also confirms the cause behind the really nasty headache I had in the hospital a couple of days after Mikah was born. I had already been hooked up to Magnesium a few hours after birth but probably needed more.

 So yea, that's pretty much it. I do have IC (incompetent cervix) and I really need to lose weight if I want to have another baby. I really don't want to have all these problems and risk losing another child's life. Yesterday morning I cried telling Ein that had it been me I would have never chosen him over my own life but that I was thankful for Mikah's. Sometimes it seems like a double-edged sword. A lose-lose situation, but then I look at Mikah and know that, if I could turn back time, I would not be able to erase him from my life.